Posts about Frontier

Walking Through Fear

When I first came into FA several years ago, my sponsor made many suggestions to help me get abstinent and stay abstinent. I quickly got into the habit of taking them all. One of her earliest suggestions was about attending meetings. Because there was only one FA meeting in my area, some of my meetings would have to be AA meetings.  This horrified me!  It was bad enough that I was a food addict, but going to meetings with alcoholics was asking too much. I doubted if I would ever find enough willingness to take this suggestion. Luckily I was granted a morsel of willingness and soon started researching AA meeting possibilities. To avoid running into anyone I knew, I strategically picked meetings outside of my immediate area and started scouting them out.  For many weeks, I simply drove to the meetings, sat in my car, and watched as people walked in. I wanted to... Continue Reading



Treasured Island Memories

“I received orders for a year in Bahrain,” he said to me. My husband serves in the U.S. Navy and was up for new orders. My heart stopped. To think we’d be apart for a whole year was so upsetting to me. We had just gotten married. “But that’s so far away,” I responded. Trying to make me feel more comfortable with the situation, he said, “You could probably come visit me during your summer vacation.” Instead of responding out of anxiety, I took a breath and became quiet. I was trying to figure out if the visit was even possible. I had just gotten my first passport, but I hadn’t ever used it. Aside from visiting Canada when I was three years old, and a day and a half of intoxication in Canada when I was 18 (before passports were required), I had never even left the country. Eight... Continue Reading



Around the World in FA

I first found out about FA when some friends and I were doing our own “mommy” version of The Biggest Loser. We all had toddlers and babies and felt that if we joined forces in a contest, it might motivate us to lose weight as a group effort. We dieted for ten weeks, each doing our own tricks. The winner dropped about 30 pounds by eating abstinently. None of us could believe how much weight she lost during the time frame! While we were secretly jealous of her enormous weight loss, we all agreed that giving up flour and sugar was completely nuts and were convinced it had to be unhealthy. There was no way I could do such a crazy thing. A few months later, when I became physically unable to walk and had two small children to care for, I changed my mind. Maybe a radical way of... Continue Reading



Freedom Frontier

I had a beautiful baby and an amazing husband, and all I wanted was to be alone and eat. I couldn’t stop the crazy cycle of bingeing, purging, and laxative and exercise abuse.  At my worst, I took up to 60 laxative pills per week and vomited so violently that I burst the blood vessels in the skin around my eyes. I also manipulated my doctor into giving me prescriptions for antidepressants and other drugs that had weight loss as a side effect. Every time I finished a binge, I swore that the next day I would just eat normally. I vowed it was the last time. I would lay in bed at night, hating myself for not being able to control myself when it came to food. I lived a lie. On the outside I had a thin body. In public I ate normal portions, but behind closed doors... Continue Reading



Frontier of Freedom

I find that one of Dr. Phil’s messages is helpful to me in FA. He suggests that when you are driven to addictive, negative actions, that you do something completely different to change your behavior patterns. For example, he said that if you want a cigarette when you get home, but are trying to stop smoking, then go for a swim instead. You cannot swim and smoke at the same time! In the same way, FA suggests changing the habit of using food as a default for whatever is going on in life. Instead, in Program, we make an outreach call, ask God for guidance, or contact our sponsor—all good tools to recovery. I took Dr. Phil’s advice. When I first joined FA six months ago, after my evening meal, I would go upstairs to my bedroom, run a hot bath, and soak in it for half an hour. This... Continue Reading