Recently, I shared with my sponsor that I had experienced intense emotional and physical breakdowns. She connected the dots for me and suggested that I needed to slow down. After listening to her suggestions, I have been carefully examining how I’m living my life, both in the big picture and moment to moment. I realized that her observation that I had too much going on was certainly true. I am now looking for things to let go of to ensure that I am living a manageable life. If I don’t, I know I am at risk of returning to addictive eating. I need to treat myself like a newcomer each day. I must make sure my recovery comes first, and that I don’t get so busy that I feel hectic and worn out. In trying to downshift into a new, slower gear, I was going in and out ... Continue Reading
Mom and dad are gone now; nevertheless my parents have been the most impactful presence in my life. Growing up in a suburb of Cleveland, Ohio with mom, dad and my younger brother David, food was always a strong presence in the house. Mom and dad were overweight, mom more so than dad, and every occasion, birthday or holiday, was cause for a food celebration. Either a specialty sculpted birthday flour product or standard ethnic dishes appeared at the appropriate moment. Looking back at pictures, I see that I wasn’t actually that overweight as a youngster, although I always thought I was. But after college when I was no longer cocooned by classmates, teachers and parents, and when life got tougher, I packed on the pounds. I also learned to drink in college, which also added weight. I was easily 160 to 170 pounds (72.5 to 77 kilos) when I... Continue Reading
One statistic I heard on the radio recently is that 95 percent of human thoughts are useless, and that humans have between 12,000-60,000 thoughts per day. That’s a lot of thoughts for this food addict with a sensitive nervous system. I have a very active brain. Apparently, I think. A lot. Some might call it obsessive thinking. When the mental component of this disease of addiction kicks in, it seems that there’s no stopping the freight train of obsession. When I had my first boyfriend in FA, I spent countless hours analyzing whether he was right for me. “Stop thinking and relax,” my sponsor said, but that was easier said than done. Sometimes I wished I had something to take the edge off, a way to escape the ticker tape of thoughts parading through my mind. Thank you, God, I picked up neither food, nor alcohol, nor caffeine, nicotine, or... Continue Reading
It is a regular Tuesday night, and I head off to my FA meeting to share experience, strength, and hope with 10 other FA fellows. On Friday night, we will all meet again for our second meeting of the week. Saturday morning I will get up early to participate in my AWOL (A Way of Life-Study of the Twelve Steps). This routine of committed meetings has become the norm of my recovery journey. But, it wasn’t always that way. Five years ago, I started on my FA recovery with a sponsor, a phone, and 3 AA meetings. My sponsor had recently moved to the area. She had about 8 months of abstinence when we met. We were the only two people with FA recovery in our part of the state, and I came to learn that we were part of the ‘frontier’. I met her at my moment of desperation.... Continue Reading
I came into FA at the age of 26, weighing 289 pounds (131 kg). I found out about the program one day when I picked up a pamphlet to fan myself while sitting in my chiropractor’s waiting room. Less than a week later, I was at my first meeting and got a sponsor, and within 14 months, I lost 140 pounds. I wish I could say, “…and the rest is history,” but that’s not how my journey played out. FA had always been very good to me, helping me to shed the weight, showering me with love and support from some amazing fellows, and giving me a sense of purpose in reaching those still suffering with food addiction. I had been in FA for nine and a half years when I decided to step out of the rooms. For some reason, I truly thought maybe I didn’t need it anymore.... Continue Reading
