I had 25 minutes to get to my doctor’s appointment across town. I decided the bus was faster than taking the subway. My lighter body took me to the bus stop quickly. Having lost 96 pounds, running felt so good that I kept running. Well, I got to the bus stop, but the bus was late. I was disappointed. I waited. When the driver finally arrived, he announced that he wanted to take a five-minute break. I thought, “A break! I have to be somewhere!” So I took off running to the subway. As pedestrians started to blur and sirens screamed past, a small thought whispered: Is this abstinent behavior? Am I getting a high from all of my hurrying? I got off the subway and ran four blocks uphill. Sweaty and out of breath, I arrived at the building just as the bus rolled by. Easy does it never... Continue Reading
I was born the oldest child of four, and the only daughter. I always felt like I did not fit in anywhere. I was not overweight, but I was made to feel that I was. When I look back at pictures, I see that I was healthy, but not overweight. My parents were very hard on me, especially my father. I was now told I was lazy, stupid, and ugly. Home with the folks I had to repeat grade one, since the teacher told my parents I could not read. In my second year in grade one, the teacher suggested to my parents that my eyes should be tested. It turned out that I had a severe stigmatism and could not see. But the script was written for me. I was constantly reminded at home that I was lazy and stupid. I did not have many friends and never seemed... Continue Reading
One aspect of my food addiction is obsession with weight and thinness. Before coming into FA, I was never satisfied with myself, even when my weight was normal (which was maybe for a week or two). I was unhappy because my stomach stuck out. In the beginning of my recovery, when I was 27 years old, I lost too much weight. I can admit to that now, but at the time, I thought it was the greatest thing in the world. I was 5′ 5″ tall and got down to about 113 pounds. I looked like a teenage boy, with no body curves. I remember sitting next to a friend in my AWOL meeting and gloating about how wonderful I felt in such a thin body. She turned to me and said, in no uncertain terms, “That’s not attractive!” I just blew it off, dismissing her words. Thank God that woman eventually became my... Continue Reading
I once heard that addicts have arrested development—that when our disease takes over, we simply stop aging emotionally. That is certainly my story. Although I have had problems with food for as long as I can remember, my addictive eating really took off when I was 11 years old. That was the year when I went from the safe, protected world of elementary school, to the rough and tumble halls of middle school. Suddenly, my best—and only—friend decided that she was too cool for me, I became a latchkey kid because my mother picked up more hours at work, and I was thrust into a world of social pressure that I was totally unequipped to handle. My first reaction to life was always food, and life started to get very uncomfortable. So I ate. A lot. My daily routine began with a trip through the ala carte line to spend... Continue Reading
I have always enjoyed being active. I played softball in my 20s and soccer in my 30s, but as my weight increased, my physical exercise was reduced to bike riding, and then walking. I enjoyed walking with my friend every morning at 5:15 a.m., rain or shine, sleet or snow, until one day it stopped! She and her family moved out of the city and built a home in the country. Every morning I told myself I would wake up tomorrow and walk or do something, but I just couldn’t do it by myself. I was 44 years old with a husband and two daughters. I’m grateful to have worked in the same company for 31 years, where I enjoyed the freedom in sales to leave the office as needed. But one day that stopped too. The slow economy had taken its toll in our town, and our company was... Continue Reading
