When I first joined FA, I heard so many slogans. I thought most of them sounded very cliché. When I was in Program for about three months, I heard, “Don’t eat, no matter what. No matter what, don’t eat.” I think I probably rolled my eyes. I kept hearing the same woman get up meeting after meeting restating the same slogan. I think I actually kept count of how many times she announced it. I wanted nothing to do with any of the slogans, especially that one; it just had no personal meaning to me. It seemed like she was just saying it because someone told her to say it, over and over again. Although I didn’t put too much thought into the meaning of the slogan at the time, her words seem to stick in my head. I began hearing that woman’s voice, “Don’t eat, no matter what. No... Continue Reading
When my first child was around two and a half, I remember driving on the highway with him strapped into the child seat in the rear. I was having road rage at a passing driver, when all of a sudden I heard Josh say, “Mommy, you need to say the “renity prayer.” A little while later I was home in the kitchen arguing with my husband. I must have been really yelling at him, when Josh said, “Mommy, you ought to call your “ponsor.” He is now 21 years old, with almost two solid years of FA abstinence and a 95-pound weight loss.
I have always loved to take care of kids. I grew up with many cousins and had a younger sister to look after. But food, and the shame and misery of eating, often kept me from being the most present and positive sitter I could be. Many of the children I have looked after in my life have not gotten the best of me during the time I was supposed to be ensuring their safety and seeing that they were entertained and comfortable. I used to think that every kitchen was my kitchen. It didn’t matter if I barely knew the people. When the adults of the household left for the night, I headed straight to the kitchen. I tried to act like I was interested in the children, but my head was on what was in the refrigerator and the cabinets. I did a fine job, I thought, of... Continue Reading
One hot day five years ago I was “hiding out in my house” wearing my biggest pair of drawstring sweat pants – that were starting to get tight – when I heard a knock at my front door. It was our Pest Exterminator dropping off our invoice following treating the exterior of our house. I cracked the door open slightly and peeked out with just one eyeball visible. I was at my most miserable top weight that had swung me into full blown isolation mode. The Exterminator asked me what was wrong. Right when he said that I noticed that standing in front of me was a much smaller version of the exterminator I had come to know and see every month over the past few years. He was this tiny person in a much too large work uniform. The collar of his shirt was so big that his little... Continue Reading
I have 7 years of continuous abstinence as I write this article, with my heaviest weight being 330 pounds (about150 kilos). Since joining FA and releasing the extra weight, I have successfully maintained a healthy, slim body. I live on the frontier [term previously used to describe an area far away from an established in-person FA fellowship] and we have recently started an FA meeting that is held every Saturday. I work my tools, make outreach calls, write, sit daily for 30 minutes of quite time, read program literature, attend both AA and FA meetings and speak to my sponsor. I write all of this because the tale I’m about to share could have possibly cost me all of this. I really feel as though I work a strong program, and am doing quite all right. I even feel very neutral around the food, my weight and I life is... Continue Reading
