The hardest thing about the first 90 days in FA was every single part of it – the readings, the phone calls, the agonizing stretch of time between breakfast and lunch. I would have never suffered through those indignities had it not been a matter of life and death for me. It was. The week before I came into FA, I was prepared to end my life by jumping off a bridge onto a 4-lane highway. I figured if the fall didn’t kill me, the fast moving traffic would take care of the rest. Every day while commuting over the bridge, I pictured the scenario in my mind. I imagined climbing over the railing, feeling the wind shake my balance, summoning the courage to lean forward and let go. I felt a rush of relief each time I ran through the fantasy. I never once considered the damage a 130-pound falling body... Continue Reading
I was in Cuernavaca, Mexico for a college term abroad. They call it the “City Of Eternal Spring”. Mexico was an eye-opening experience with incredible rain forests, beaches and beautiful people with a rich colorful culture, and it is also a place with corruption, poor areas and a smell I will never forget. Living here for 3 months with a humble host family, whose home had been robbed just a few weeks before my roommate and I arrived, I had such a determination that my behavior around food would be different and I was convinced that knowledge of all of this would do it. Yet, not more than a couple weeks into the time of my visit I found myself in a situation where I felt guilty about the amount of dinner I ate with some friends and the snacks that are readily available at the school we were attending.... Continue Reading
Years ago, I lived in a small country in Northern Europe with my family for 11 months. I studied the local language and gained the ability to speak some simple phrases. So when I got to the checkout line in the local grocery store, I knew what the cashiers were saying when they would ask me time and again: “Klienti kaart ei ole?” which meant, “Don’t you have our store card?” My reply was always a quick, “ei” which mean “no.” After months of being asked this question, I finally decided to investigate. I learned that the store membership card cost almost nothing and gave, in return, a sizeable discount on all of my purchases. It was definitely a bargain; no down sides. All that time, the cashiers were trying to help me, but my negative assumptions blinded me to their gift. I knew what their words meant, but I... Continue Reading
I joined FA July 15. The summer increased my desire to be thin. I was ashamed of my body so my insecurity was at its worst during this season. In addition to the shame about my external appearance, there were internal motivators that made my weight unbearable. I felt I was made up of all the greasy, fatty foods I consumed. The summer made me feel like a product created in a deep fryer. I started every year with a great resolve to lose weight and commit to a healthy lifestyle. By the summer I would be searching for a way to lose a hundred pounds in 3 months. I am 5’2” and weighed 240 pounds when I started FA. I felt defeated in every area of my life. I wanted to escape the burden of carrying my oversized body. The physical and emotional pain I had to endure because... Continue Reading
I started the program 32 months ago. I was 57 years old, weighed 235 lbs. (106 Kilos), diabetic and taking 120 units of insulin a day (that’s a huge amount), barely able to walk a block, uncomfortable all the time, distressed, and suicidal. My doctor suggested I try FA. I was in for an annual physical and, sobbing, I begged her to institutionalize me because I could not stop eating. (Boy was my husband shocked – he was in the exam room for a physical too.) I told her I thought I was addicted to food. I was stuck in a cycle of misery and despair: eating uncontrollably, berating and hating myself, and promising the next day would be better. I admitted that I couldn’t take it anymore and I was trying to figure out how to do myself in. After calming me down, she wheeled around on her chair,... Continue Reading
