Today I got angry because a package was delivered later than I expected, and I acted abstinently, thanks to FA. Instead of writing an impulsive and angry email, I took quiet time. Then the doorbell rang and it was the package. I thanked the people who delivered it and felt a sense of dignity. I did not act upon my angry impulse. I acted abstinently. Food is not calling to me anymore. It has nothing to offer me. I surrender upcoming resentments, self-pity, and fear to immediate prayer. My life has surely changed. In the past, I had numerous visits to dentists, who started to look at me somewhat strangely. I experienced frequent stomach, throat, and bowel inflammations. One day I spent a hundred marks within a few hours just for food, while my bills sat unpaid. I spent desperate hours in movie theaters, where I sat alone and silently... Continue Reading
I found FA just before my 30th birthday. My top weight was in the high 180s, which I thought I carried fairly well on my 5’ 6” body. But, I definitely prefer my current weight of 125. My story is not one of immediate willingness or of continuous abstinence. I feel truly grateful for my recovery today because I know I could have been one of the many people who picked up that first bite and never made it back. For as long as I can remember, food has been very important to me. I felt ashamed about how I ate, so I would try to hide it from other people as much as I could. I stole money from my parents to buy sugary treats. I hid in my closet, eating my Halloween and Easter goodies, as well as my sister’s, if I could get away with it. Sugar... Continue Reading
I have been in FA for almost nine years. I come from the madness of 20 years of either overeating, bulimia, or controlled eating, and I had had enough. It was suggested that I go to AA, which was a bit of a joke, as I only drank a bit in the evenings and got a bit drunk at parties. Amazingly, I was open to it, as I realized that deep down I had issues with alcohol. But I soon realized that it was food that was my problem. I was encouraged to go to Overeaters Anonymous, but could not manage there without strict boundaries around food. During that time, I experienced more ups and downs than I could imagine. I thought that when I stopped eating addictively, embraced this program, and did God’s will instead of my own, then all would be well. How could it not? Surely, being honest,... Continue Reading
I had been around a program for people with food compulsions for a few years, and for a while could practice binge maintenance. I was essentially eating what I wanted for a couple of days and getting “abstinent” again (under eating, really) while over-exercising. As this became more and more difficult, I became more desperate. It was inevitable that without a real solution, I would start vomiting again. That part of my disease had progressed tremendously. I had heard about people working the FA program but did not feel that I was bad enough to have to do that. When the day came that I realized I was that bad, I was bitter and depressed. I was not happy to finally surrender to this program. I sat in the back of the rooms with my arms folded and hated everyone, especially myself. Thirty days. I was going to give this... Continue Reading
Since coming into FA 11 years ago, my relationships have undergone many adjustments, all for the better. Prior to FA, my treatment of my parents could most aptly be described as neglectful; I did not have any interest in them. It did not occur to me that they might like to be kept apprised of my activities, whereabouts, concerns, interests, friends, boyfriends, or dreams. Perhaps this is because, to a large extent, my goals in life were of the short-term variety. From the time that I left home at 19 to go to college, I was focused mostly on being thin and cool. I figured my parents did not want to hear about my obsession with exercising, which I hoped would eliminate any extra pounds. A tragedy for me, at that stage in life, would be the inability to slip into my favorite pair of black faux-satin pants that always... Continue Reading
