A Story of Recovery:

A New Freedom

My husband and I have been married for many years, and the style of our dining room and living room reflect those years.  The furnishings are old and heavy.  When I was young, a friend and I went “antiquing” at garage sales and picked up and collected amazing “finds” such as oriental rugs, tables, chairs, and lamps.  They are still part of my house, and though they are OK, I really am tired of the look.

Last Saturday morning, it snowed here in Cleveland. It was our Sabbath, and my husband and I had finished eating our lunch in the dining room.  I love arranging flowers, and on Fridays I usually buy a few small bunches of flowers at the supermarket.  From where I sat at the table, I saw the newly fallen snow, the beautiful simple flowers on the dining room table and the sideboard, the arrangement in the hallway, the colorful one on the coffee table in the living room, and the beautiful oil panting of wild flowers above the mantel that my children had given me for my birthday.  And as I looked at this scene, I felt peace, and I realized I loved my house just the way it was. I realized that I was feeling a contented abstinence.  This is what the Big Book means when it says in the promises, “You will comprehend the word serenity and you will know peace.” (Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 84). 

I had such a sense of serenity and peace in those few minutes. I recalled what my life was like before FA, which was very different than the way I felt in those minutes, when I had just eaten a committed weighed and measured meal, and was content with that meal.  I was not compelled to go back to the kitchen and scrounge for additional sugar and flour desserts. My memory is haunted by those post meal excursions to the cabinet and refrigerator for home baked items.  I thought of the lunch conversation with my husband.  Before program and AWOLS (A Way of Life, a study of the twelve steps), I had so much anger and resentment and negativity.  I cannot remember what we discussed at that lunch, but I know it was loving and there was good will between us. I can accept my husband the way he is and not try to change him. I try to practice tolerance, acceptance and kindness.

I came into FA 8 ½ years ago, and as all of us in FA know, we are still works in progress.  In my quiet time and throughout the day, I ask God for help.  I also thank God throughout the day, and I do it with a grateful heart because I believe that I am going to continue to “know a new freedom and a new happiness” (Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 83).