A Story of Recovery:

Allowed to Ride the Rollercoaster

I was a nervous wreck standing in line waiting to ride the Iron Rattler at Six Flags. There were many sounds around me: screaming, laughter, talking, and music. In the background I could hear noises of the many rollercoasters all over the park as they mechanically moved throughout the duration of the ride, twisting, turning, slowing down and speeding up, going in circles and flipping upside down.

It had been 10 years since I last attempted to ride a rollercoaster. I will never forget that day as long as I live.  I was with my family at an amusement park called Carowinds; it is similar to Six Flags. My children and I were in line. Our turn came up and we scrambled to find or seats.  My son and daughter strapped themselves in and anxiously awaited the start of the ride.  As for myself, I had difficulty buckling the harness as I was too big for this ride. I noticed the ride attendant coming towards me and in a panic I became desperate to buckle myself in. I did not want you go through the embarrassment of being told I was too fat for the ride. Too late – the man offered to help me get fastened in, and, after several failed attempts, he reluctantly told me I was not going to be able to ride.  I could tell he was uncomfortable, and he was having trouble looking me in the eyes.

Full of shame, embarrassment, and fear, I stepped down from the seat, hanging my head, refusing to look at anyone, as I walked to the exit gate.  I was mortified. I just knew everyone in line for the ride and the people already seated were thinking the worst of me. I felt ashamed, and most of all, wondered what were my kids thinking of me. I gathered my composure after a good cry and tried to make the most of the rest of my afternoon; however, no matter how hard I tried, the sadness loomed. The realization that my size had kept me from participating in an experience with my family left me feeling powerless and hopeless.

This specific memory crept into my head as I was patiently waiting to go on the ride at Six Flags. How grateful I was in the moment of having a different experience knowing I was going to get a second chance at riding a rollercoaster because on this day my size would not hinder me.  My weight that shameful day at Carowinds had been at the 300-pound mark. Today, as I stood in line waiting to get on the ride I had lost 140 pounds.

I never thought I would have gotten this opportunity again. So there I stood, smiling and laughing with the group of people I had come with. I was and am present to witness the gifts life has to offer. As I stood there, I experienced the smells of the amusement park, the food, and the people both excited and scared to go on the rides, just as I was. Transfixed to that moment as if it were today, I am enjoying the butterflies in my stomach as we inch closer to the entrance gate. I wonder how I will feel on this ride. I ask myself a dozen times, “Are you sure you want to ride this rollercoaster?” I answer, unequivocally, “YES!” This is what life is about.