A Story of Recovery:

Anchored in Recovery despite Colon Cancer

I am sitting in a hospital bed. I am 52 years “young,” and it is now three days since my surgery. I am a doctor at this hospital and the one usually providing the care, so it is very strange to receive all of this medical attention. I originally came into the hospital for a colonoscopy screening. I am grateful for the gift of clarity to practice what I preach and come in for the test. I was diagnosed with colon cancer.

I weighed 253.5 pounds when I joined FA, and I weighed 135.5 at home the morning of my surgery. I can’t believe I have only eaten four meals in the last six days because of the tests and the surgery associated with the diagnosis. More incredible is how peaceful and surrendered I am about both the diagnosis and the not eating.

I have already received innumerable gifts in the last six days. Medically I was healthy going into this. I am physically strong and svelte, emotionally grounded, and spiritually centered. My dear friend and surgeon, who has known me fat and thin, said it was so easy to operate on me. The lack of fat inside my abdomen made it very easy for him to locate and remove the diseased area and the associated lymph nodes, which meant I was under anesthesia for less time. As a result, I woke up clearheaded, with no side effects from the anesthesia. I also require minimal doses of pain medication, so I am comfortable, but not sedated. Thank you, God!

Both my nuclear family and my FA family have been amazing. One of my FA sisters picked up some sugar-free clear liquids for me, and some food that I can eat when I go off liquids. I caused a major upheaval in the pharmacy by listing “sugar” as an allergy, but I don’t care if they don’t get it. I will protect my recovery at all costs.

I have been so close to my HP. I am in the early stages of the cancer and I am curable. I may need chemotherapy once the pathology test comes back, but whatever that result is, the disease is still curable. My liver and lungs are free of disease and the surgeon felt that everything was contained in the colon.

But I don’t have time for this! I have a husband and two children still in school. I am self-employed and my medical practice is in major transition…and now this! I was praying that I would not need chemo and I was agitated because I know that’s not the right way to pray. It’s willful. But after talking to FA fellows, and catching up on my connection magazines, I was reminded that I am not in charge. My HP is. So I prayed for God’s will to be done and the power to carry it out. I want to be peaceful—chemo or no chemo. In my quiet time this morning, from my hospital bed, I surrendered.

Once again, during challenging times, my program has been my anchor. Because I was not too sleepy from anesthesia, I called my sponsor on the morning after my surgery at our regular time. I have been doing all of my FA tools. I show up because I want to maintain contented sobriety. I have received so many calls from my fellowship, and I can’t wait to get back to my first meeting. Contented sobriety comes from working all the disciplines of his magnificent, divine program to the best of my ability, every day…no matter what!