A Story of Recovery:

I’m A Mother, So The Rules Must Not Apply To Me

The first time my sponsor suggested I go to three meetings a week, I honestly thought the rules did not apply to me. I thought that maybe three meetings were okay for everyone else, but not for me. After all, I had a seven-month-old baby, a two-year-old toddler, and a husband who worked 12-hour days. The last thing I could expect my husband to do was to care for his own children so I could attend a meeting. We had an agreement in our marriage. He was the breadwinner, and I had quit my job to stay home and rear the children. I certainly could not dream of asking my husband to stay home from work so I could do anything for myself, alone without kids.

Imagine how uncomfortable I felt when my sponsor “bullied” me into going to three meetings per week. Little did I know that this was the first step on my self-care journey. Growing up with a house full of addicts taught me very well how to manage in chaos and never ask for anything. I had a “rageaholic” mother who was full of resentment over having to raise four children alone. I never saw her engage in any form of self-care. She indulged in her addictions to get relief from her troubles.

Even though I was in a good marriage with a supportive partner, I never questioned our childcare arrangement. Getting out of the house and leaving my husband to deal with the crying baby, whom I was breastfeeding, felt very wrong. How could a good mother leave her baby?

But my husband supported me 100% in my recovery journey. He had been living for many years with an angry wife who weighed over 200 pounds, and he would have done anything in his power to see me learn to love myself.

Five years later, I weighed 132 pounds and had life-changing experiences in FA. When my husband asked me what I wanted for my birthday, I said, “I want to move.” I am not sure I would have had the courage to do something like that before Program, but being in FA has taught me to ask for what I need.

So I was able to travel on an airplane, by myself, to a country where I had never been. A fellow in FA met me at the airport where I needed to make a connecting flight, bought me lunch even before I landed, and had it ready so I would be sure to make my tight connection. Another FA fellow picked me up from the airport and took me to her home, where she served me a lovely weighed-and-measured dinner. We then attended a meeting together.

I relished my time alone, away from being a full-time mom. I relaxed in my hotel room and watched the news in peace and quiet. I took as long as I wanted in the shower. I ate meals in restaurants in peace and quiet. I walked the mall without worrying if my kids were getting lost or in trouble. Even getting on an airplane child-free was a real treat.

I am so grateful to FA for giving me the courage to ask for what I needed. My hotel laid out a breakfast spread each morning that would have been a food addict’s dream! However, I quietly asked the server to bring my breakfast grain and a piece of fruit. I am also grateful that I did not go on a shopping binge at the mall. I only bought things we needed and that we could not get in our country. It was wonderful to see a new city, in my own company, in a right-sized body and be abstinent. I was able to use Skype on my iPad to make my outreach calls and take sponsee calls. I used the Kindle application on my iPad to read my Twenty-Four Hours a Day and Alcoholics Anonymous books.

I am grateful that I had the courage to visit a foreign country by myself.  When I saw other families traveling, I gave thanks for my time alone, but also gave thanks to God for my own family. I am grateful that I have a husband who values me enough to arrange his schedule so that I could have a trip by myself.

I am not sure how I went from a person who felt she could barely leave her baby for a 90-minute meeting to a person who can travel the world alone. I know that this was a vacation that I only got to take as a direct result of being in FA. I hope my girls will see a mom who takes time for herself in order to be the best mom she can be.