A Story of Recovery:
Being Present During Loss
My brother, two years my senior, died unexpectedly. It was a sad, heart-breaking and bewildering time for those of us who knew and loved him. Our relationship had been a complicated one, so there were many conflicting feelings that arose. I had been abstinent for just over eight years at the time. I was in an AWOL (A Way of Life, an in-depth study of the Twelve Steps) and had established several close relationships with other FA fellows.
When I first learned that my brother, who had gone into the hospital for hip replacement surgery, was in the ICU, I immediately made plans to drive the eight hours to Pennsylvania from my home in Maine. Early on a Saturday morning, my husband and I packed our bags, got in the car and headed for Boston where I attended my AWOL, something I knew would fortify me for the journey ahead. I let my FA fellows know the situation so I would have their strength and support behind me.
I made several phone calls on the drive down, phoning fellows with whom I had close relationships. My first sponsor had coached me well in how to use the telephone.
“Make those calls” she had said. “Form those relationships so you will have that connection. You are not going to call a stranger when you need someone to talk to.” I was, and still am, grateful for that guidance.
The first thing I did when we checked into our hotel was to scout out the nearest grocery store; we had already requested a fridge in our room. It turned out there was a lovely grocery store just across the road; not only a grocery store but one fully equipped with many easy-to-prepare items that fit beautifully with my food plan. I had a traveling scale, so everywhere we went, whether to the hospital or to the home of friends nearby, I took my meal.
In between the many trips to the hospital and getting together with family and friends to exchange stories, share our grief and comfort one another, I made phone calls, did a great deal of writing and went to God, over and over and over. I once heard a fellow say “everything I ever needed to know, I learned my first two weeks in FA.” How true that proved to be during this very difficult time. My scale, my sponsor, my fellows, writing, quiet time, prayer – lots of prayer – all served to keep me abstinent, sane and able to be present for my nieces and nephews, other family members and friends, and several youngsters who were grieving the anticipated loss of their beloved grandfather.
Had I not been in this program, had I not had the many gifts that FA has given me, there is no way I could have been awake and present for this experience that, difficult as it was, will be a cherished time that will be with me forever.