A Story of Recovery:

Betting on Recovery

This morning I yelled at my two older kids. They refused to get out of bed, spoke rudely to me and my husband, and made us late. I was furious and I was not nice. I told my son he never thought about anyone else and I called my daughter a princess. Steaming, I got them and their little brother into the car. I had to drop my youngest at preschool first, and when I tried to leave, he clung to me. His anxiety was a humbling reminder that he is affected by my anger even when it’s not directed at him.

On the way back to the car, where my other two were waiting, I paused to pray for the first time that morning since being on my knees. I was still mad, but I knew my behavior had been wrong. I have learned in AWOL (A Way of Life, a study of the 12 steps) that when I apologize, I only clean up my side of the street. An apology is never: “I’m sorry, but you…” The other person may have had a role to play, but my job is simply to make amends for my wrongs.

So I opened the door and said, “I am very sorry I got so angry this morning.” It was all I could muster at the time.

My daughter turned to my son and said, “You owe me a penny.”

“Why does he owe you a penny?” I asked.

“Because I bet him that you would apologize as soon as you got in the car,” she answered.

I am grateful that even though I make mistakes, my kids know that I will eventually come to my senses and apologize. Later that night, after I got on my knees and reviewed my day, I was able to offer a more complete and specific apology. My daughter said, “Thanks, mom. It really hurt my feelings. I’m also sorry I was so awful this morning.”

We hugged and made up. Then something occurred to me. “Did your brother really think I wasn’t going to apologize?”

“Oh no,” she said. “We both knew you’d apologize. The bet was about how quickly you’d get around to it.”