A Story of Recovery:
Breaking the Cycle
As a food addict, taking the next right action is not a natural response for me. In fact, taking action of any sort can be a challenge, and sometimes making a transition from one thing to the next can seem like it requires tremendous effort.
Tonight I came home from work, and after eating my committed, weighed, and measured dinner, I have been sitting in my favorite comfy chair to watch a TV show that I like. The show has ended. I know the next right action is to get out of the comfy chair and take care of some necessary personal business: balancing my checkbook and writing out my monthly budget. I know this is the next right action, but frankly…“I don’t wanna!”
The same thing used to happen to me when I ate addictively. I would start eating a particular food, and I wouldn’t want to stop. This is why I purchased the same few binge foods over and over and in such large quantities; I wanted the eating experience to last forever. One day at a time, I haven’t had to eat that way. But I am an addict who gets stuck on “repeat,” and my first thought is to want to do certain things over and over…and to avoid some things completely.
As of today, I am down 40 pounds from my top weight and have been free from that old, destructive eating cycle for over two years. It is a blessing that today I eat weighed and measured food three times a day and that each meal consists of a designated quantity of food. Once the meal is over, I move on with my day. That felt like a real challenge in the beginning, but today I am so thankful that each meal ends. I enjoy my abstinent meals more than I ever enjoyed the endless binges.
Tonight I know that this same principal applies. When I get to the end of an activity, it is time to move on. I may get the “I don’t wannas,” but today I have tools that will help me get out of that immature mindset. I know I can’t go wrong by working my FA program.
So, right now, I am choosing to help myself transition by using the tool of writing (this article). Now I am ready to move on to the next task. However, today I know there is beauty, freedom, and value in doing my life, like my food, in a weighed and measured way.
That being said, I’m going to keep on taking the next right action. Out of the chair— checkbook, here I come!