A Story of Recovery:

Breaking the Ice

“Call people I don’t know on the telephone? What will I ever talk about?”

These questions rumbled through my mind when my first sponsor in 1988 told me to make three phone calls a day. At 210 pounds, I desperately wanted to be free of the discomfort and emotional pain. I was carrying over eighty pounds too much on my 5’4,” forty-three year-old frame. I felt miserable!

I willingly did whatever that wonderful lady told me to do. I checked off each tool every day as I accomplished it to make sure I covered all my bases. The tool of telephone, however, stymied me. Sure, I talked to family and friends all the time on the phone, but I honestly had no idea how to talk to a perfect stranger! My sponsor gave me two suggestions, which I continue to follow today in FA.

First, she said, “When you’re at a meeting and the person qualifying says something that deeply touches you, ask for her phone number. The following day, call her up, and tell her how much you appreciated her service the night before. Tell her specifically what experiences she shared that you could relate to.”

I did what she suggested and made these types of calls. Much to my amazement, I had meaningful telephone conversations with many courageous recovering food addicts. One of the most memorable was when a lovely woman shared with me that she had lost her mother when she was pregnant with her first-born child. I could relate, because six years before I started FA, I had also lost my mother while I was pregnant. As she talked about her loss and how it had impacted her food addiction, it was like a laser beam connection between us. Her words helped me understand how much I was still deeply grieving my mother’s death. Until then, I had never met anyone who had had the same experience. I no longer felt so isolated or alone.

Second, my sponsor said: “When you begin to recognize newcomers, ask them for their telephone numbers. Remember how shy and uncomfortable you felt when you first came in? They’re probably feeling the same way! Simply call them the next day and ask how they are doing.”

I followed her second suggestion and called newcomers. I continue to do this service on a weekly basis. I welcome them, ask how they found FA, and share a little of my story. The added benefit to this service is that they often call me back at a later date. I notice they are not so reluctant to do so, because I have “broken the ice.”

Since I moved to Oregon, I’ve met many fellows who have moved here from other states. In my calls, it’s particularly fun to chat with people from New England, because I used to live there.

I am grateful to my very first sponsor for these simple suggestions. Having something definite and specific to talk about and being able to thank someone for sharing their story, or welcoming someone into Program, make the tool of telephone much easier.