A Story of Recovery:

Can’t Win Single-Handed

I was at a family birthday celebration once and the dessert was on proud display. It called to me every time I walked by the table. But the words came to me, “Don’t eat no matter what; no matter what, don’t eat.”  I claimed those words over and over again with success. But then the item was cut and the interior revealed some of my favorite flavors. I realized then that I was in deep trouble. The words came to my mind again, “Don’t eat no matter what; no matter what, don’t eat,” but these words just didn’t have the punch and the power that they had previously given me.

Then something from the Twelve Steps came to my mind: that we can’t win through single-handed combat. I realized that I was trying to do battle with a single weapon—my will. I also realized that, under these circumstances, I would not prevail against that first bite using only my own will and my own power. I would surely fail. My resolve would dissolve without additional reinforcements, because no amount of human willpower could break the obsession that was overtaking me.

I realized that I needed a mental shift. I wouldn’t win if I continued the battle in my mind with only words.  So I slipped away to the kitchen, made myself a cup of herbal tea and focused on my higher power. I shifted my mind from the battle of my will to the admission that I was powerless in the situation, and I asked my higher power to do for me what I couldn’t do for myself. Thankfully, I was given the gift of continued abstinence.

So now when I hear the battle cry, “Don’t eat not matter what.  No matter what don’t eat,” I evaluate the situation and make a decision about whether or not it’s a small battle to be won with slogans, or if I need to call in reinforcements to help me win the battle over mental obsession.