Five years ago I came into FA, desperate to lose weight. I weighed 330 pounds and was ravaged by medical complications. I had sleep apnea, hypertension, fibromyalgia, renal failure, incipient heart failure, premature osteoarthritis, and pre-diabetes. At the age of 55, and after decades of obesity, my body had lost its ability to buffer any further insults. It had lost its functional reserve to the point where organs were starting to fail and show the clinical effects of longstanding food abuse. The only option open was bariatric surgery. Nothing else had worked and I thought nothing else was available or would work. I had reached rock bottom. Some would say that it was serendipity that I heard about FA while driving home. For me it was nothing less than a miracle, because the week before I found FA, I was on my knees crying and praying to God to give... Continue Reading
I was sitting at home having an internal argument with myself about whether to attend the Diabetes Expo in my city, yet again. I had been diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes a few years earlier and had attended the expo a few times in the past. I never really felt that I got much out of it, other than a few freebies and samples. For some reason (I now say it was God whispering in my ear), I decided to go. As usual, I didn’t feel I got a whole lot out of it until I happened upon a table with some banners behind that said, “Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous.” It immediately piqued my curiosity, because my sisters and I had just been having a conversation about being addicted to sugar. We were having this discussion while we consumed large quantities of flour and sugar items. I saw that... Continue Reading
I was on a business trip to Dallas, Texas when one of my colleagues suggested I try going to Central Market for my food needs. I was happy to take the suggestion, as I have been spoiled, in terms of fresh produce, by living in California. After my work duties were done, I headed off to do my shopping. I walked into this store and was at once feeling at home. I found all the produce I needed, and it was beautiful! I then proceeded to find the other staples I needed for my meals. It was an overwhelming experience. Everywhere I looked there was food, glorious food. I must have looked shell shocked, as one of their “foodies” (that’s what they call their staff) came to my aid. He asked me if I needed help, and I gratefully said I did. I explained what I was looking for, and he... Continue Reading
Fairly early on in recovery, I heard people share at meetings that we addicts have a disease of fear, doubt, and insecurity. It took me a while to really understand what that meant and how it applied to me. I knew I was obese (280 pounds), but I didn’t know what that had to do with fear, doubt, and insecurity. When I got a food plan from a sponsor and stopped eating addictively, and as I sat in meetings and listened, I started to remember how big a role fear played in my life from very early on. I didn’t have a whole lot to be afraid of as a child. I lived in a very safe suburban town, my parents did not mistreat me, and I had never experienced any trauma. Nevertheless, I was terrified of the dark, of ghosts, of getting stung by a bee while playing outside,... Continue Reading
I was always the big girl with a pretty face. When I was eight years old, I knew I was a freak. One day the whole student body had to go out to the schoolyard to be weighed. As the children were weighed, the teacher called out their numbers. When my turn came, I weighed 124 pounds; the other kids in my class weighed about 70 pounds. I was so hurt by the remarks I heard. I knew that if only I could be smaller, everyone (including me) would be happy. From that day on, I was on and off some diet. No matter what I did, it never lasted. I was next to the youngest of four kids. I had two older brothers and one younger brother. I tried to be just one of the boys. My mom always tried to get me to be a little lady. My... Continue Reading
