I went to the California Department of Motor Vehicles to renew my driver’s license. I was especially excited, because after a year of abstinence in FA and a 111 pound weight loss, I wanted to use my new weight on my license. My old license read 230 pounds, which was a total lie. I passed 230 pounds in high school on the way to my high of 300 pounds. I thought if a cop pulled me over, I could pass for 230. I was always in denial about how much I actually weighed. Well today was different. I filled out the form and wrote the exact weight I saw on the scale: 165.0. I emphasized the point zero and handed it to the clerk. She examined the form and frowned, “Are you sure this is how much you weigh?” “Yes,” I say proudly, “one six five point zero.” I thought... Continue Reading
I grew up in a pretty strict household, where food was accounted for. I learned early on to sneak food. My father had a strong work ethic and instilled it in me. By 15, I had a part-time job to pay for my school supplies, clothes, and many other expenses. I was very active in my church and high school sports. I became a Boy Scout Eagle Scout, and had a full-time girlfriend. By 18, my father and stepmother asked me to leave my home, and I set out to find my way in the world with not a penny in my pocket or any idea how to manage my life. I was bitter and pissed and felt that God and my family had abandoned me. But I told myself I was going to make it in spite of it all. Nearly a decade prior to coming into Program, I... Continue Reading
There I was again; my own insecurity was complicating the simplest of tasks. I had been in FA for 15 months, lost 100-plus pounds, and marveled at the changes in my body, mind, and spirit. I could now show up and participate in life…but I still was insecure. My neighbor had asked me if I minded watering the plants, getting the mail, and feeding her son’s goldfish while they were away for a few days. I fed the goldfish a “pinch” of food a day as she had instructed. Wow, was my pinch the same as hers? After all, I am a food addict. Could that be enough for the little guy? A little more couldn’t hurt. The next day I found the goldfish swimming funny. Surely it wasn’t the amount of food I gave him. No, I couldn’t have overfed him. By day three he was a floater—dead. I... Continue Reading
Ten years ago, I reached a point where I almost gave up ever being able to control my weight. I had struggled with various diets for more than 50 years. I was about ready to say to hell with it and eat what I wanted, when I wanted it. If it killed me, so be it. (My doctor had assured me that it would kill me if I continued on the path I was on.) I had become so nasty, mean, and ugly that I couldn’t stand myself. I was continually angry with myself for failing the diet plans that I had started almost every Monday morning of my life. I was on many prescriptions, which only exacerbated my “don’t give a damn” outlook on life. I had dieted and exercised my way up to 452 pounds. My nephew, who was a surgeon in the Air Force, came home from Germany, took one look at me, and suggested that... Continue Reading
How I found FA was a total miracle! I had tried every diet, self-help books, drugs, and starving. You name it, I tried it. I was miserable at more than 245 pounds, killing myself slowly with all that flour, sugar, and quantities. My doctor told me that I had type 2 diabetes, and I still could not stop eating. She said that I was not going to go blind or lose a limb, but that I might die of a massive heart attack! She said I was morbidly obese, but I still could not stop eating. I was hopeless, but desperate. So I got on my knees one day and asked God to help me. I had reached the end of my rope. I couldn’t do this anymore. I had lived my life for my daughter. She was graduating from high school soon and would be going on with her... Continue Reading
