My first Food Addicts in Recovery meetings were a rude awakening for me. There was so much to do! How was I going to be able to follow the program and live my life, too? There were so many suggestions: plan meals in advance, don’t eat between meals, go to meetings, make daily phone calls, spend time daily with my Higher Power, etc. Like most food addicts, I was used to making my own rules. I knew what worked for me. I didn’t need someone telling me what to do. So I questioned everything. Looking back to my first 90 days, I recognize that my so-called need to be in charge of myself was an illusion. If I was so in control of myself, why was I so fat? I knew how to lose weight—I had done it many times over the years! What FA brought to the table was... Continue Reading
I was out of control! I binged to soothe my hurt feelings and I binged to celebrate the good stuff. Nothing ever completely satisfied me, so even my celebrations ended in frustration. I came into Program when I was 42 years old. I weighed 271 pounds and had tantrums. I would keep my cool as best as I could in public and in my job. But, the ones I loved the most—my husband and my three precious boys, were the ones who heard the screaming fits, and saw the emotional, all-over-the place tantrums. Now four years later, I hope they are seeing and experiencing a different wife and a different mother, one who wears the weight of the world like a loose garment and not one who melts down like a two-year old. I hope they see what I feel—someone who is in recovery, on a beautiful journey with... Continue Reading
When I was a kid, Halloween was one of the greatest opportunities for a binge. My mother always got Halloween treats, to hand out to children in the neighborhood, that nobody in my family particularly liked so that my sisters and I would not binge on our own stash. Every year, she put the candy in the same huge brown wooden salad bowl (I can still picture it). And every year, I remember eating all of the candy I collected in a pillowcase after walking around the neighborhood for hours on end. Immediately upon arriving home, I would start with my favorites, and then eventually resort to the things I did not like but couldn’t help eating. After that, I always headed for the treats that were left over in the bottom of the salad bowl. I still remember the nauseated, stuffed feeling I had every year, and the bafflement... Continue Reading
I have always enjoyed being active. I played softball in my 20s and soccer in my 30s, but as my weight increased, my physical exercise was reduced to bike riding, and then walking. I enjoyed walking with my friend every morning at 5:15 a.m., rain or shine, sleet or snow, until one day it stopped! She and her family moved out of the city and built a home in the country. Every morning I told myself I would wake up tomorrow and walk or do something, but I just couldn’t do it by myself. I was 44 years old with a husband and two daughters. I’m grateful to have worked in the same company for 31 years, where I enjoyed the freedom in sales to leave the office as needed. But one day that stopped too. The slow economy had taken its toll in our town, and our company was... Continue Reading
I have 7 years of continuous abstinence as I write this article, with my heaviest weight being 330 pounds (about150 kilos). Since joining FA and releasing the extra weight, I have successfully maintained a healthy, slim body. I live on the frontier [term previously used to describe an area far away from an established in-person FA fellowship] and we have recently started an FA meeting that is held every Saturday. I work my tools, make outreach calls, write, sit daily for 30 minutes of quite time, read program literature, attend both AA and FA meetings and speak to my sponsor. I write all of this because the tale I’m about to share could have possibly cost me all of this. I really feel as though I work a strong program, and am doing quite all right. I even feel very neutral around the food, my weight and I life is... Continue Reading
