Before I came into FA I had plenty of internal dialogue. Thoughts such as “better grab something now before I get hungry” and “whelp, today is already ruined, I will re-start my diet tomorrow” rattled and raved around in my brain constantly. These voices were strengthening my disease, while weakening my will and spirit, and eventually diminishing all hope that I would ever gain control of my weight. I was tired of failed attempts to diet. I had always tweaked, adjusted and altered every diet I ever tried. So when I came into FA, I declared I would do every crazy thing suggested, that way I could say the reason FA didn’t work was my sponsor’s failure, not mine. For me, active food addiction equaled isolation. In the beginning, the hardest tools for me were the ones that required me to interact with other people; the telephone and meetings. My... Continue Reading
I was 22 years old when I came into FA and lost 150 pounds. After a life of crazy relationships when in the food, I broke up with the addict I was living with when I came into FA, and I was ready to get right into the healthy dating game. However, this area of recovery was a very slow one for me, and I had to learn how to date in a saner way. After several serious relationships that did not result in marriage, I moved from Boston to Washington, DC, single. I moved to Washington, D.C. for a job, and I had pretty much given up on dating. I thought that I needed to surrender, and although I really wanted to get married and have a family, I figured that if it had not happened in 10 years of recovery, maybe God had a different plan for my... Continue Reading
At my first FA meeting, I was angry. I weighed 243 pounds (110.2 k) and was humiliated that I had to be in what I thought was “group therapy” for fat people. The funny thing was that only three of us in the room were fat. The rest of the members were slim, and I thought for sure they knew nothing about food addiction or being overweight. I decided that I would play the game. I would simply go along with them in order to get the food plan. I’d go to meetings long enough to lose my weight, and then I would vanish and live a happy life as a skinny person, riding off into the sunset. It is six and a half years later, and I do live a happy life and am in a right-sized body. However, I have not vanished from FA. I didn’t leave FA... Continue Reading
As I sit in my airplane seat I am grateful for the plenty of room I have to rest comfortably – even with my seat belt on! I sit here at 131 pounds, heading home from the Business Convention. Ten years ago I came into program weighing 318 pounds – having been heavy my whole life. I believe my highest weight was almost 400 pounds. Before program I gave up on flying because I had been humiliated one too many times as a morbidly obese woman on an airplane. My dad traveled internationally for his job, and I have fond memories of my mom packing my sister and I into the car to send my dad off, or go pick him up at the airport. From a very early age, flying was a wonderful event and came with compelling stories of unique places and people around the world. As I... Continue Reading
At 31 my life looked like this: accounting degree graduate, single mom of a five year old son and I weighed 313 pounds (that wouldn’t end up being my highest). I attempted to sit for the Certified Public Accountant (CPA) exam, a rigorous series of six four-hour tests at that time. However, I was still face-down into the food, so although I spent the money on the books they were merely table mats for my constant snacking. The flour-sugar fog prevented any productive learning from taking place. At one point, I rented video lectures and audio taped them to listen to in the car (yes, back when cars had tape decks) but all the popping sounds of canned drinks and crinkling sounds of plastic bags muted out the lectures. Fellow graduates would ask to borrow the tapes, but I refused, being too embarrassed they that would hear the constant eating.... Continue Reading
