I am now 225 pounds lighter than I was in the 11th grade, when I weighed 367 pounds. I have spent most of my adult life living in a 300-plus pound body. I am learning to live in this new body, and I have never been a fast learner. A whole new world has opened up to me and I feel like I’m living in a foreign country and don’t know the language. I never thought I would see this day, let alone be here to live it. The first time I realized things were different was one day last summer when I was shopping for some summer clothes. I went into the store and tried on the 2X and it was too big, as was the 1X and XL. I had no clue what to do. I called someone in FA. She told me to go to the lady’s... Continue Reading
“Here, eat this, you’ll feel better.” From my earliest years, these comforting words formed a bond of love between my mother, food, and me. However, it wasn’t long before it turned into an unhealthy relationship that took over my life. My growing pathological attachment to quantities of food, used to comfort or to calm me in the moment, became the basis of what I now know as my addiction. Food became my “drug of choice.” Obese, with stretch marks by age five and secretly eating in excess, my entire life was characterized by shame and humiliation around my behavior and my body image. I would manipulate others in order to gain access to more food. I would lie about, or steal, quantities of food, primarily flour and sugar products, which elevated my body weight to 300 pounds by age fourteen. I was the heaviest person in our village and, later... Continue Reading
I came into FA when I was 34 years old, 5’3″ tall, and weighed 304 pounds. I was sad and desperate for help. I saw women at the meeting getting up to share and saw people who had lost a lot of weight. I got a sponsor the first night and have been with the same sponsor since. She has seen me through a 169-pound weight loss so far. I now weigh 135 pounds, which is a serious miracle for this food addict. I have never seen such a low number. The closest I ever came was in ninth grade, when I weighed 175. Even after having lap-band surgery in 2007, I only lost 40 pounds and gained most of it back. I have experienced many other miracles since being in FA. When my now seven-year-old daughter was in preschool, the teacher noticed a learning delay and wanted her to... Continue Reading
I weighed 270 pounds; my weight was rising quickly. I wouldn’t have called myself depressed, but I certainly wasn’t happy. I resented my family and felt that I had given up my dreams of being a writer and an intellectual in order to support my family, financially and otherwise. At any given moment, it seemed the only things that could make my life bearable were eating, watching movies, playing games on the Internet, or reading. I hated exercise, but that was the only thing slowing my weight-gain. I knew I couldn’t keep up the daily 5 a.m. boot camp much longer and was bound to shoot past 300 pounds. I thought if I didn’t do something quick, bariatric surgery appeared to be the only option. That’s when I heard about FA. I was ready. Countless failures and disappointments around my health, career, and relationships had left me with the gift... Continue Reading
It amazes me that after one year in FA, with 155 pounds off my body, I still will resort to my old destructive ways. I used to overeat, binge, and purge. I was also addicted to cooking and to looking at recipes. My sponsor often has referred to my recipe hunting and viewing them online as a form of pornography for me. I didn’t see the harm as long as I didn’t make any of the recipes. But I do have a problem: once I start reading and looking at recipes, I can’t stop. I have to admit that even recently, with a year in Program, I sat at my desk at work and ended up printing recipes for Christmas treats. I am not going to bake them; I just had to have the recipes. I have made a commitment more than once to my sponsor not to look at... Continue Reading
