Posts about Recovery

From Controlling to Loving

Last night, I had a very interesting conversation with my 16-year-old daughter who was sharing with me her feelings regarding a situation with her friends at school. I have been in program for six-and-a-half years, and thinking about this interaction with my daughter sent me back twelve years ago, to when I was in the food, my life was unmanageable, and I was a raging mum. That day, my two-year-old son was sitting in his high chair. My then four-year-old daughter must have done something wrong—I can’t even remember what—because I was yelling and screaming at her, my tense, red face so close to hers that she was walking backwards. I was throwing the tea towel on the floor, pacing back and forth from the kitchen to the living room, waving my arms in the air like a mad woman. I caught the look on my son’s face and all... Continue Reading

 


 

Snow Daze to Snow Days

Snow Day! Those two words light up the lives of students and teachers alike. Having been an elementary school teacher for 24 years, I have experienced my fair share of snow days, but there is quite a difference between a snow day in FA recovery and the “snow daze” that I used to experience prior to finding Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous. Before FA, I spent 18 years in the classroom and my average weight during those years was around 325 pounds.  A day off from school was synonymous with a day of unapologetic bingeing. The binge always began the night before the snow day with the grocery store run for “staple foods”. Prior to FA, my definition of staples included boxes and bags of sugar and flour products, a whole host of salty items, and a minimum of two twelve-packs of diet soda. I went to any length to... Continue Reading

 


 

What’s Normal?

I’ve been in the FA program now for over six years and it’s been such an interesting ride. I remember when I first came into Program, I was willing to go to any lengths to be in a right sized body and not to be crazy about food anymore. I bought my scale, had my food written down, and all my groceries were in the refrigerator, I had my meal plan and I was ready to go for the week – only to find myself back at the store a day or two later because I didn’t have enough veggies. What?!? I ate them all?!? They didn’t turn to green slime in my ‘crisper’? This was a new phenomenon. So off I went, weighing and measuring my food, calling my sponsor at 6 am every day, going to three meetings a week and doing everything possible to stay abstinent. Every... Continue Reading

 


 

Morning Amazement

“I can’t believe I did it again! I can’t believe I ate that way! What is wrong with me?!” Morning after morning those would be my first thoughts of the day, followed by a new resolve to “be good” today. I would eat a healthy breakfast, but then the kids would wake up and make something yummy for their breakfast. I would gobble down their leftovers, which were followed shortly by a large lunch and continuous eating for the rest of the day. I ate large amounts of low-calorie foods, trying to feel full and to lose weight. I would eat quantities of vegetable and sugar-free desserts, but would still have plenty of room for my favorite binge foods. It was so hard for me to feel full. Every diet I tried made me feel like I was starving. It would only last a short time, and then I would... Continue Reading

 


 

Security Checkpoint

I reached my 90 days of abstinence on November 29, 2012. I did travel a bit in my first 90 days. This was probably not the best idea in those super fragile, early days, but my husband and I were traveling back to Boston from London, where we visited our daughter and her fiancé. By this point in Program, I’d successfully flown several times with my weighed and measured meals and I thought I’d had this thing nailed down. I was mostly concerned about the five extra hours I was adding to my day.  How does that work? With my sponsor’s guidance and quite a bit of prayer, it worked. The last thing I was thinking about was the small, unopened containers of protein I brought for breakfast and lunch. I’d traveled with this food item several times before. Alas, Heathrow security had other plans for me. I had no idea... Continue Reading