One hot day five years ago I was “hiding out in my house” wearing my biggest pair of drawstring sweat pants – that were starting to get tight – when I heard a knock at my front door. It was our Pest Exterminator dropping off our invoice following treating the exterior of our house. I cracked the door open slightly and peeked out with just one eyeball visible. I was at my most miserable top weight that had swung me into full blown isolation mode. The Exterminator asked me what was wrong. Right when he said that I noticed that standing in front of me was a much smaller version of the exterminator I had come to know and see every month over the past few years. He was this tiny person in a much too large work uniform. The collar of his shirt was so big that his little... Continue Reading
I have 7 years of continuous abstinence as I write this article, with my heaviest weight being 330 pounds (about150 kilos). Since joining FA and releasing the extra weight, I have successfully maintained a healthy, slim body. I live on the frontier [term previously used to describe an area far away from an established in-person FA fellowship] and we have recently started an FA meeting that is held every Saturday. I work my tools, make outreach calls, write, sit daily for 30 minutes of quite time, read program literature, attend both AA and FA meetings and speak to my sponsor. I write all of this because the tale I’m about to share could have possibly cost me all of this. I really feel as though I work a strong program, and am doing quite all right. I even feel very neutral around the food, my weight and I life is... Continue Reading
Like many people, I grew up celebrating holidays and family gatherings around an elaborate dinner table. I also celebrated birthdays, promotions, and various “wins” with special treats. I drowned my wounded heart and life’s other disappointments with nights out on the town. My thinking was so backwards that I used food items to reward myself for successfully staying on my diet. Inevitably, however, I would give up on the diet and go straight for the treats. Needless to say, I was not a successful dieter. After 20 years of using food as the ultimate reward, my eating was on autopilot, and it brought me no pleasure. I ate even when my eating became a form of torture, because I would berate myself after every binge and every failed decision to eat better. I was humiliated as I tried to fit in chairs, buckle seatbelts, and complete other tasks people under... Continue Reading
I walked through the doors of FA almost 5 years ago weighing 271 lbs. on a 5 ft. 4 frame and feeling so miserable, helpless, and hopeless that I didn’t want to live. I got a sponsor the very first night not knowing anything about strong programs, abstinence, or even food addiction. I just wanted to lose weight and thought that would be the solution to all my problems. I called my sponsor who had a strong successful program for 18 months and I did lose weight, 146 lbs. of it! I went from a size 24W to a size 4. During this part of my journey I kept secrets! Some secrets involved measuring my food sloppily or using spices that were not suggested. I eventually became honest about these after weeks of harboring them and would start back to Day One. This happened four or five times but there... Continue Reading
Since coming into FA 11 years ago, my relationships have undergone many adjustments, all for the better. Prior to FA, my treatment of my parents could most aptly be described as neglectful; I did not have any interest in them. It did not occur to me that they might like to be kept apprised of my activities, whereabouts, concerns, interests, friends, boyfriends, or dreams. Perhaps this is because, to a large extent, my goals in life were of the short-term variety. From the time that I left home at 19 to go to college, I was focused mostly on being thin and cool. I figured my parents did not want to hear about my obsession with exercising, which I hoped would eliminate any extra pounds. A tragedy for me, at that stage in life, would be the inability to slip into my favorite pair of black faux-satin pants that always... Continue Reading
