I am the daughter of a classic alcoholic. I was born in 1946 and grew up in Houston, Texas. For most of my childhood and adolescence, I watched my loving, brilliant father slowly deteriorate from that vicious disease. I felt every feeling imaginable about his drinking, but one thought never crossed my mind: that I had inherited some biological or behavioral version of his disease. What I consciously remember was the thought that I would never drink like he did. I fought him and his drinking. I poured the liquor from his hidden bottles down the kitchen sink. I confronted him and sobbed with despair and rage. My ever-nurturing mother was a classic enabler. She fed him, cleaned him up, protected him, and earned the living that supported our family. The truth was that she loved him very much and did not know what else to do. Near the end... Continue Reading
The slogan, “Don’t eat no matter what, no matter what don’t eat,” made no sense to me when I first joined Program. I just couldn’t wrap my brain around this concept. After all, I had to eat my meals, right? So what exactly did they mean by this slogan? After pondering that thought, I realized that people in FA meant not to eat food that wasn’t committed that day if emotions or boredom sent me looking to see what might be in my fridge or cupboards. Oh, that’s what they mean! But, isn’t that what I’ve never been able to avoid doing before? I mean: That’s why I’m here in FA. HELP! I (a visual learner) came up with a technique that helped me understand and become more “neutral” around my food: When I was growing up in Wilmington, Delaware, there was a huge medical center for children with spinal... Continue Reading
“I have had many men who had, for example, worked a period of months on some problem or business deal, which was to be settled on a certain date favorably to them. They took a drink a day or so prior to the date, and then the phenomenon of craving at once became paramount to all other interests so that the important appointment was not met.” – Dr. Silkworth, Alcoholics Anonymous, “The Doctor’s Opinion” While I was living in Boston, a friend told me about a fantastic job opportunity at a respected organization in the San Francisco Bay area. The initial phone interview went very well, and I was chosen as a finalist for the position. The hiring committee decided to fly me across the country for the final interview, and I stayed with my friend for a couple of days. I was very nervous on the day of the... Continue Reading
I had become a recluse. I could no longer read or write, the tools of my profession. I was not paying my bills because all of my money and time was going to maintaining my addiction. A phone battle with a bill collector was the final straw. As he demanded payment for an overdue account, I stared in front of me at what my last five dollars had bought me: a binge at a local sandwich shop. I slammed down the phone in humiliation and prayed for God to give me the strength to do the exact opposite of whatever my head was telling me to do so that I could begin to climb out of the hole I had dug. That week an FA member asked me to go to a meeting. My head screamed, “Don’t go!” But I cheerfully thanked her for asking me and promised to show... Continue Reading
I found FA in upstate New York when I was just short of my 30th birthday. I’d been bingeing and purging for 17 years and hit a top weight of over 180. In my early 20s, I spent three years in 90-Day OA (the 90-day program of Overeaters Anonymous), but I wasn’t ready for what the program had to offer. I couldn’t stay abstinent, and I balked at suggestions from my sponsor(s) and other people who were actually staying abstinent. After six more years of active food addition, I was more ready to listen. I got a sponsor and a food plan and started to surrender my will. However, there were still plenty of times when I was sure that I knew exactly what I was doing, only to find that my sponsor was the wiser one. For example, my sponsor suggested that I maybe shouldn’t start any strenuous exercise... Continue Reading
