I have long railed against going to bed on time. When I was kid, my mother had to scream to get me up. Into adulthood, my three alarm clocks did the same. I hated to go to bed even though I was tired. There was always one more television show to watch, one more book chapter to read, or one more snack to eat. When I joined FA ten years ago and began to call my sponsor at 6 am, it became clear that I’d need to change. I could no longer drag myself to bed at midnight or 1 a.m. and expect to stay abstinent from addictive eating. Being overtired is one of the easiest ways I know for my hands to grab for sugar and flour products. Before I joined FA, at 5’5” and over 200 pounds (91 kilos), I found that, at the end of the day,... Continue Reading
I am 5’9”, 63 years old, currently weighing 132 pounds (59.9 kilos), and three weeks short of 30 years ago, I let go of 55 pounds (24.9 kilos). This story is actually about the Memorial Day 11 years ago when, at the suggestion of two sponsees in another program, I walked into my first FA meeting and was immediately taken aback by the clarity and transparency of the talk around food. Although I believed flour and sugar had not really been a problem for me, in accordance with the First Tradition, I surrendered them. I was also asked to have a Higher Power and I had already chosen mine from a line in a 1982 Richard Attenborough movie, “God is truth.”This belief seemed to align with the admonition on page 58 of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous to be honest if I wanted to recover. However, after completing two... Continue Reading
It was ten days before Christmas and packages from friends and family started to arrive at our doorstep. All of the return addresses look familiar, including Amazon. As the days went by, a package arrived with a Woburn, MA return address. I didn’t recognize the name or the address. I started getting curious and excited by the prospect of a surprise gift from someone. “Don’t open until Christmas,” I told myself. I asked my family if they have ordered something for me from this address. They replied either “no,” or they “can’t recall,” because they have been sending and ordering for weeks. As Christmas day draws closer, the excitement and tension grew! Knowing that there was a box way in the back of the pile, from who knows who, would be fun to open. Finally on Christmas Eve, my husband and I started opening our gifts. I excitedly opened the... Continue Reading
Before finding FA, my first reaction to life was to soothe with food. It didn’t matter if I was tired, lonely, bored, anxious or afraid. Almost before I realized what I was feeling, I found myself reaching for food. It didn’t matter if the feelings were good or bad. Any feeling was too uncomfortable and I didn’t know how to deal other than to bury it with food. I found food helped me cope, although poorly, with life. The feelings could relate to something as major as the death of a family member, or as minor as running late for an appointment. A parking ticket could lead me to a fast-food drive-through. Anxiety about a work issue could lead me to the refrigerator at 2 a.m. I never learned healthy ways of feeling or coping with life. I had no tools, no guide, no faith. But I did have healthy... Continue Reading
My wife had prepared and weighed my salad and said, “Here ya go.” It was time for me to add my salad dressing. Earlier that day, the dinner I had committed to my sponsor included eight ounces of salad with one tablespoon of vinegar and oil for a fat. After measuring and pouring on my fat, I opened the refrigerator door and grabbed a bottled dressing and poured some on my salad, telling myself, “Nobody will know; it doesn’t matter.” My wife uses other things on her salad that I, as an abstinent person, would not; but I sprinkled some on my salad anyway and ate more by hand. Over the years, I would do this time and time again. My dishonesty would mask itself but, being a man of integrity, it would always come back to haunt me in guilt. I would go to meetings where my fellows would... Continue Reading
