I depended on my thumb for comfort until I was in fourth grade. My mother says I was a picky eater, always needing special textures, and that I favored only certain foods. The vision when I looked into the mirror was that I was heavy and cumbersome. If I sat down on a chair and my skin folded a certain way, I would get angry and anxious. I was a self-declared “fatso” at five. I was an active, athletic child, so although my physical body was a normal size, my perception was deeply skewed. I wore big sweatshirts and baggy pants. I bought dresses that were three sizes larger than I was, and I wore men‘s T-shirts to cover up my body when I wore swimsuits. I would go to sleep and check to see where my bones were and how far they stuck out, and unless they were protruding... Continue Reading
It’s been a year and a half since I began FA. I’ve let go of 125 pounds and my life is much different, but I still remember how I dreaded making outreach calls. This was my attitude: I just knew I didn’t have any information that would be helpful to others, and I couldn’t imagine that others would want to have their lives interrupted by me. It was like pulling teeth to force myself to make the calls. I was stuck in a sense of self-sufficiency and isolation. However, I followed my sponsor’s advice to 1) invite my Higher Power along for the calls, and 2) to adopt the revised attitude that I might be surprised at how well the calls would go. Then I started to see the beauty behind our tool of outreach calls. One day, I was getting ready to go on my first business trip after... Continue Reading
Food has always been my best friend. Food was there when no one else cared. Food made everything in my life bearable. I grew up in active alcoholism with a big religious family. We prayed for years that Daddy would stop drinking. And when it seemed like God had answered our prayers, my dad’s sobriety brought more emotions and feelings than I could understand as a 10-year-old. Trading addictions I was the oldest of eight kids, and I took care of all the younger ones while my parents were either arguing or going to meetings. Taking care of everyone else was my responsibility, and I learned quickly that everyone else came first. I wanted to play sports or join after-school activities, but the family had too much going on for me to get anything I wanted. Since I was home with a kitchen full of food and missing out on... Continue Reading
A wedding is a time to celebrate the union of two people who love each other and plan to spend the rest of their lives together. It is when family and friends gather to enjoy one another with music, laughter and, of course…. food. In my first ninety days of abstinence, I had a complicated experience that tested my strength, dedication, and faith. I attended a wedding for a dear friend in New York, where I was to be a bridesmaid. I had been in FA for six weeks. Although I did not have a lot of weight to lose, the craziness and insanity in my head had brought me to Program. After I had a meltdown in front of my husband, I admitted many of the twisted, awful thoughts I had been having for so long. I googled “food addiction” and found FA. My husband and I traveled to... Continue Reading
When I walked through the doors of FA at 200 pounds on March 12, 2008, I expected to have some “problems” with the program. I knew it would be very hard to do what the program required, but I had felt an odd, tingling feeling in my chest at my first meeting. I didn’t recognize it at the time, but realized after a few meetings that it was something I’d given up on years before—it was hope. I’d stopped feeling any real hope that I would ever be in a normal body. I’d been overweight all my life and started my magical thinking about my weight at a very early age. I had the same wish for every birthday candle I blew out, every first star, every coin tossed in a wishing well or a fountain: please make me thin. I begged God and promised anything if only I could... Continue Reading
