I found FA in 2010 when I was 36 years old and was carrying 350 pounds on my 5’ 4” frame. I came into Program defeated and knowing that the common denominator in all my past failed “diet” attempts was me. I tweaked them, I modified them, I never even really followed them. This meant a new level of desperation to try this Program EXACTLY how it was being passed down. Also, following the program as best I could meant that when it failed, it would be the program’s fault, not mine. Needless to say, the Program works. I have been abstinent and maintaining a normal size body for almost eight years. We have one face-to-face FA meeting about 45 minutes from my small, rural, no-need-to-lock-your-front-door town. There are typically only five steady members that can make it to meetings. Less in the winter when roads are closed or too... Continue Reading
When the COVID 19 experience started I was nine months abstinent. I remember feeling confused, scared and unsettled as I walked through the first few days of entering into this new world and reality of “social distancing”, “sheltering in place” and observing empty shelves at the grocery stores. Many questions came to mind. “what will happen to our meetings”, “will I have a job or continued to get paid”, “how will we do school with our three teenagers”, “will my husband continue to travel for work?”, “will we cancel our Spring Break trip to the Grand Canyon?”, and “will I ever find toilet paper again?” I was guided by my sponsor to “stay in today”, “work the program”, “do the tools” and “weigh and measure my food”. Being abstinent, I abstain from flour, sugar, quantities, individual binge foods, and caffeine, but I can use the activity as a drug. I... Continue Reading
Just recently I flew out for my fourth trip to Sri Lanka. This is not an easy journey as it was 19 hours in an airplane. For the past 16 years or so my weight has fluctuated anywhere between 215 and 275 lbs (98-125kg) and flying made me nervous for a variety of reasons: Would I be comfortable? Would the cart keep hitting my arm? Would I fit in the seat? Would they make me pay more or tell me to leave? Would my feet and legs swell like they have in the past? I also thought about who I was going to sit next to. If it was my husband or sister who are both small and know me, I was okay invading their space. I remember my sister getting annoyed at me on a bus: How dare she comment? I can’t help being fat, sorry there’s nothing I... Continue Reading
When I was living in the disease of food addiction, I hurt myself physically, mentally and spiritually. I was almost 100 pounds (about 45kg) overweight. I hurt myself physically by eating almost exclusively flour and sugar. I had joint pain, sprained ankles, chafed thighs, discomfort from too-tight clothes, and pain from being full after every binge. Day after day after day, with no end in sight. I also did other things to hurt myself physically. I picked at my skin and bit my nails until they bled. Again and again I would pay to for fake nails so that I would stop biting them but it never worked: I would bite the fake nails off. The pain of biting off fake nails that were glued to my nail bed was excruciating, but I couldn’t not bite my nails just like I couldn’t not eat. I hurt myself spiritually; that was... Continue Reading
March 16th of 2016 is the date when I started my life all over again. That is the day when I flew into Austin for a weekend visit with my son and never returned to my home in Virginia. It was a three-day tour where the shipwreck of my life crashed onto the beach, and I began the process of gaining a new peace and transforming my life. I married my husband when I was only sixteen years old, mostly to escape my abusive home life in Virginia. We eloped to Mississippi where he was in college, and we were married three days after my sixteenth birthday. I got pregnant on our honeymoon. We moved back to Virginia with my newborn son, and over the course of the next five years, we had two more children. Alas, the honeymoon did not last for long. I discovered that my husband was... Continue Reading
