Today I was supposed to work, but my work said that they did not need me. Cool. It’s rainy out and I am tired (and filled up) because I had an FA meeting last night. But then I got this little thought, “Hey, maybe I should text my sponsor and see if I could come over and help her pack stuff for her move.” So I texted her and it looked like a go. (It is a miracle of Program that it even occurred to me to ask. Back in my food addiction, I would not offer to help anybody do anything unless I was getting something out of it. I remember one time when I spent most of the day helping a family move, only because I kept thinking they were going to give me some speed. They never did and, in fact, the cops came over and made... Continue Reading
I did not enjoy going to meetings in the early days, particularly when I realized I couldn’t play around and change the ones I attended whenever I felt like it. At first, I thought it too much of a commitment, one that ate into my “free” time and caused disruption at home. My sponsor encouraged me to commit to a certain meeting to which I had a lot of resistance. I love my faith, my priest, and my local church, and there was a particular service that happened at the same time as the meeting. I generally attended with my partner and our three-year-old granddaughter. After some months, I agreed to start attending the FA meeting instead. My husband was unhappy about this, saying that we wouldn’t be able to go to church together. I just softly said that I would see how it went and things might change again... Continue Reading
If anything in life doesn’t go according to my plan, it’s a catastrophe. At least that’s what my disease tells me. So when I took my lunch out of the fridge at work and it smelled funny? I panicked. A disaster of cataclysmic proportions: My vegetable went bad. I hadn’t prepared for this happening. I didn’t have a back-up vegetable at work, or even a food scale. I had trusted my careful meal prep to keep me safe. Now it was almost lunch time and I was decidedly unsafe. I was at code red. I called call my sponsor. Thank God she picked up. Just hearing her voice made me feel safer. I told her about the bad-smelling vegetable, and I recited to her the contents of the office freezer. There was a frozen vegetable that would be okay for me, she said. I flushed with relief. But then I... Continue Reading
Poor me! A disagreement with my husband and with a daughter who didn’t want to talk decimated my serenity that morning. Negative babbling clattered around in my brain. I’m incapable of having a good relationship. I’ll never learn how to talk to people. I’m just too stupid. THEN, my cell phone signaled arrival of a text. I frowned at the sender—my sister. My stomach clenched. After not hearing from her in over three years, what could she want now? I gingerly read her message. She wanted to know what became of our mother’s pearl necklace and opal ring. Oh, and how about the other jewelry you promised to share after Mother died? Mother had been gone nearly sixteen years. Why the sudden interest in her jewelry? Was my sister accusing me of selling valuable jewelry? I fired off an indignant text. There wasn’t any jewelry. That angry reaction triggered a... Continue Reading
I am working my way through an AWOL (a study of the 12 steps), and a few weeks ago on a Friday night, I did Step Five for the first time. That’s where we share with our sponsors our part in the things that have happened in our lives. When we were done, I immediately felt a lightness in my chest. It had been suggested not to have too high of expectations of Step Five, so I really did not predict that, especially as I found writing my inventory in Step Four difficult at times and felt “off the beam.” The next morning I knew three things. First, the lightness continued. Second, I felt closer to God and third, I felt I had grown up somewhat. My sponsor agreed that he had seen me taking responsibility for some things I had not previously. These three changes have remained. Just a... Continue Reading
