About six-and-a-half years into recovery, I started dating a man who turned out to be an alcoholic and had panic attacks at night. Unfortunately I got caught up in trying to be his mentor and help fix his problems. This took me away from looking at myself. The very thing I should have been looking at was the fact that I stopped taking care of my own needs, staying up too late and engaging in the emotional drama of his world. I became overtired and stressed and eventually made a mistake making my dinner one night. Another time, I went to a party and didn’t make any plan for my meal. I had clearly broken my abstinence. What did I do? Thank you God, I realized the severity of how I was hurting myself. This man was not good for me in many ways. I took quiet time and wrote... Continue Reading
When I first came to FA, I was skeptical when people went to the podium and shared about how GOD had given them the man of their dreams, the house of their dreams, or the job of their dreams. I didn’t believe that possibilities that had been hidden or out of reach would manifest just because I weighed and measured my food. That has changed over time, as I have seen the blessings God has brought to my life. I was lonely. My children had moved out to start lives of their own, and I lived alone. I told God that I wanted a dog, a friend. When I asked God for a dog I was specific. I couldn’t handle a puppy for the obvious reason; my shoe collection. I wanted a dog that was two or three years old, mellow, and chill. The biggest factor to consider was that... Continue Reading
When I found FA, I knew I had a problem with food but I did not know I had a fear of financial insecurity. I am 5’4″ and my top weight was 206 pounds. I also knew I had a work problem. I had been identifying myself as a workaholic for years, but the success I had in school and at work made me feel as though it wasn’t a problem. At one point after I left graduate school, I had five different jobs. I would wonder how I showed up for all of them, but now I know that I really didn’t. When I was doing that many things at once, I couldn’t do any of them well. I have very few memories of that time, because I spent all my time rushing from one place to another. I was never able to focus on the present because I... Continue Reading
The day started out pleasantly – two FA couples with our lunches in tow traveling 100 miles for an adventure. We were in one car going to a museum, and later out to dinner on the way back home. As we had finished lunch and our art viewing, my partner’s phone rang. It was her father’s doctor stating that instead of tomorrow, she needed to come and be with him NOW. The other couple made arrangements to get back home by cab and train. We had been in program for 10 months and started out not knowing what would happen next. Fortunately, each of us called our sponsors. We were advised where to stop and get a scale and what restaurant we could go to get an abstinent meal on the way. Upon arrival, my partner went directly to her father’s hospital bed. My tasks were to find us a... Continue Reading
When I first came into program, I just wanted to lose and maintain my weight. I had tried every diet on the market, in the magazines, every quirky thing that came along: Paige Palmer, Dr. Atkins, Richard Simmons, Living Thin, hypnosis, learning to eat like a turtle, and an over-abundance of others. Yet I still weighed 252 pounds, and was gaining a pound a day. In those programs my weight continued to yo-yo significantly: from 175 pounds to 265, with a highest weight of 280 pounds. Another Twelve Step program was the last thing I wanted, but I came in anyway. I had no other option. Even though I could agree my weight was unmanageable, I denied that my life was unmanageable. I thought my debt, workaholism, the problems I had with relationships, the lack of orderliness in my home, and how I handled the challenges of being a single... Continue Reading
