When I first came to FA, I was skeptical when people went to the podium and shared about how GOD had given them the man of their dreams, the house of their dreams, or the job of their dreams. I didn’t believe that possibilities that had been hidden or out of reach would manifest just because I weighed and measured my food. That has changed over time, as I have seen the blessings God has brought to my life. I was lonely. My children had moved out to start lives of their own, and I lived alone. I told God that I wanted a dog, a friend. When I asked God for a dog I was specific. I couldn’t handle a puppy for the obvious reason; my shoe collection. I wanted a dog that was two or three years old, mellow, and chill. The biggest factor to consider was that... Continue Reading
When I found FA, I knew I had a problem with food but I did not know I had a fear of financial insecurity. I am 5’4″ and my top weight was 206 pounds. I also knew I had a work problem. I had been identifying myself as a workaholic for years, but the success I had in school and at work made me feel as though it wasn’t a problem. At one point after I left graduate school, I had five different jobs. I would wonder how I showed up for all of them, but now I know that I really didn’t. When I was doing that many things at once, I couldn’t do any of them well. I have very few memories of that time, because I spent all my time rushing from one place to another. I was never able to focus on the present because I... Continue Reading
The day started out pleasantly – two FA couples with our lunches in tow traveling 100 miles for an adventure. We were in one car going to a museum, and later out to dinner on the way back home. As we had finished lunch and our art viewing, my partner’s phone rang. It was her father’s doctor stating that instead of tomorrow, she needed to come and be with him NOW. The other couple made arrangements to get back home by cab and train. We had been in program for 10 months and started out not knowing what would happen next. Fortunately, each of us called our sponsors. We were advised where to stop and get a scale and what restaurant we could go to get an abstinent meal on the way. Upon arrival, my partner went directly to her father’s hospital bed. My tasks were to find us a... Continue Reading
When I first came into program, I just wanted to lose and maintain my weight. I had tried every diet on the market, in the magazines, every quirky thing that came along: Paige Palmer, Dr. Atkins, Richard Simmons, Living Thin, hypnosis, learning to eat like a turtle, and an over-abundance of others. Yet I still weighed 252 pounds, and was gaining a pound a day. In those programs my weight continued to yo-yo significantly: from 175 pounds to 265, with a highest weight of 280 pounds. Another Twelve Step program was the last thing I wanted, but I came in anyway. I had no other option. Even though I could agree my weight was unmanageable, I denied that my life was unmanageable. I thought my debt, workaholism, the problems I had with relationships, the lack of orderliness in my home, and how I handled the challenges of being a single... Continue Reading
When I think of my first 90 days of abstinence, I think of two things my sponsor used to say to me all the time. First, she told me I was allergic to sugar, flour, and being told what to do; second, that her nickname for me was “yeah, but,” because my response always began with “Yeah, but…”every time she would tell me something. I always had reasons for why the suggestions she was giving weren’t going to work for me. On the outside, I looked very obstinate and unwilling. I was also told on numerous occasions that I was scary. I was that angry food addict in the back row with my arms crossed, daring you to come over and talk to me. Those who did, may have wished they hadn’t. On the inside, I was scared to death. I also came in with a lot of Alcoholics Anonymous... Continue Reading
