I walked into the Renaissance Faire and took a deep breath. Mingled with the cool, autumn air and earthy smell of leaves was the aroma of festival food. Before I came into recovery that scent was something I looked forward to every year—the fried foods, the food on sticks, the sugary desserts. I had been going every year since I was a kid and the thing I remembered most, rather than the shows, the games, or the elaborate costumes, was the food. I liked it so much I got a job there and for two years in college my Septembers and Octobers were punctuated by weekends of bingeing on festival treats, so much so that the majority of my meager paycheck went right back into the pockets of the vendors selling the items I liked best. On Sunday nights, knowing that I would have to go another five days without... Continue Reading
Turning to food was definitely my natural reaction to life. Hadn’t it always been there for me? Surely I couldn’t survive without it. I’d always turned to food when I felt happy, sad, mad, scared, rejected, worried, or abandoned. Food got me through, but now what I had once called “my friend” seemed to have betrayed me and become my greatest enemy. I couldn’t seem to get enough food in me anymore, and it wasn’t bringing the relief it once had. The food wasn’t working anymore! What else was there? When I decided to come into FA, it felt like it was my last option. I was exhausted and hopeless, and I weighed more than I ever had. I had said I’d never hit 200 pounds, but my weight was headed to the mid-200s and not stopping. Surprisingly, it really wasn’t the weight that brought me in. What drove me... Continue Reading
I have an obsessive mind. By the time I made it to FA, my food obsession had developed to such a point that I didn’t really get it when people said to call before the bite. How did a person know the bite was coming? In early recovery I had a lot of breaks. One time, I was out on a bike ride and talking on the phone with a fellow. I finished the call and then went into a store and ate. Another time I took my dog out for a walk to the park early in the morning. Harmless, right? Not for me. I ended up walking my dog to the store and ate. Breaks like these kept happening. It was really helpful when I was encouraged to continue working all the tools every day. I was also told that I could make as many calls as I... Continue Reading
I was 241 pounds at my first weigh-in. I was so grateful to find FA that I was willing to do whatever needed to be done to get into recovery. I got abstinent and found a sponsor right away. A month later I had already lost 18 pounds. Oh my God! This is a miracle, I thought to myself. I was motivated and excited to see that kind of result so fast. Then it happened, that moment that made me stop in my tracks. Just a few days after that miraculous first weigh-in. I took a test and learned that I was pregnant. My first response was not overwhelming joy, but dread. Although my husband and I had prayed for this blessing for over two years, I had gained over 70 pounds with my first pregnancy. As I stared, incredulous, at the test result, I really wished that I could... Continue Reading
This summer, I went to my first Renaissance fair. My friend and I walked around the booths, admiring everyone’s elaborate costumes and the beautiful, handmade wares. We watched jousting matches, a demonstration of trained tigers and leopards, and my friend even played an archery game. As we walked around, I kept seeing signs for a pony ride. “I’d love to ride a pony!” I joked with her. She said she wouldn’t mind, but I said the ride was probably just for kids. When we found the pony ride, it was indeed for children, but I looked up and saw a sign that said “Weight limit: 130 pounds.” Not only was I less than 130, I had 12 pounds to spare! My top weight had been 206 pounds, but thanks to FA, these days I weigh in at a slender 118 pounds. I asked the woman running the pony ride if... Continue Reading
