Being 163 pounds at 5 feet tall was a hard pill to swallow. It was much harder than swallowing all the sugar and flower that had put me in that position to begin with. Having bi-polar disorder with manic depression and severe anxiety, I already didn’t like myself most days. Add the fact that I was extremely overweight, and I was well on my way to not liking myself at all. Most of the time all I wanted to do was escape, not just from the world, but from myself as well. I felt like I was on the outside looking in. I didn’t realize at the time that the desperation I was feeling would turn out to be such a gift. It was that desperation that got me to my first meeting. My journey started with me making an excuse as to why I couldn’t go to an FA... Continue Reading
I was sitting in my grandmother’s kitchen with a half-eaten baked good balanced precariously on my lap and a fork in my hand. We had just finished Thanksgiving dinner and I was uncomfortably full. I’d already unbuttoned the top of my jeans, but I could not keep the fork from going into my mouth. It had a life of its own. Though I regularly ate heartily in front of others, I typically did my real bingeing alone, so I was mortified to be shoveling food in my mouth in front of my slender sisters and my petite aunt who had created the dessert. And it was impossible to hide that I’d just put on 30 pounds in the past few months. I remember laughing and telling my aunt that the dessert was so good I just couldn’t stop. Everyone smiled and I kept eating, but it was not funny for... Continue Reading
I feel so grateful for freedom from flour and sugar. Before FA, I had times when I would largely eat like I am now and then other times when I just could not stop eating. It was so painful. I could not understand what was wrong with me or how I could stop. I lived alone. Although I kept no sugar or flour products in my home, there were basic ingredients that I could use for a quick fix, or I’d go out to stores I’d previously declared out of bounds, telling myself to stop this insane behavior. I tried better self-care, affirmations, photos of how I wanted to look, hanging up a garment I wanted to fit into, envisioning a thinner me, rewards, tallying up money spent on junk food, awareness I wasn’t eating out or buying clothes but spending money on flour and sugar products. Buying cheap fixes,... Continue Reading
I am 71 years old, and for most of my life, I was thin. When I was in my forties, however, it seemed like all my clothing sizes suddenly started getting bigger and bigger, and I could not understand why. People told me that when you start getting older, your body changes, but I went from a size 10 to a size 22 and I didn’t think it had anything to do with my eating habits. I had been doing the same thing for so many years, and all of a sudden I started gaining weight, so I resigned myself to the idea that life just changes with age and I had better accept it. I worked at a company that loved to give dinners and lunches as rewards for doing a great job. It was always greasy food or flour and sugar items that I couldn’t resist. I never... Continue Reading
My top weight was 138 pounds, about 30 pounds over what I weigh now. The miracle is that I have maintained my weight for 15 years, without over-exercising or having tons of therapy. I thought that if I figured out why I ate, I would stop. That never happened. I ate because I am a food addict, it is that simple. I see that I have had lots of life events that I did not have to eat over. Life’s challenges have been as simple as coming outside to a flat tire, and as devastating as getting fired from my job. Living through the process before I actually got fired was very uncomfortable. I remember calling my sponsor one day at work crying, feeling like I was worthless. She asked me “are you doing your best?” I said “yes.” So she gave me my marching orders. “Go to work with... Continue Reading
