My old way of reacting to family time was to avoid it. I remember being a kid and knowing that my aunt and uncle had driven from another state and were finally safely resting in our home visiting with the rest of the family. I hadn’t seen them in a long time. I was scared to go into the living room. Maybe it would be awkward. The more I ignored the cheerful voices in the living room, the bigger the fear became in my mind, which made me feel uncomfortable. So I stayed in my bed, read my book, snacked and told myself that I didn’t care. They can’t make me. I spent a lot of my time avoiding life and being defiant, but deep down I felt sad because I was missing out. And deep down I blamed myself and I avoided more. That behavior continued to grow. I... Continue Reading
I was in the biggest airport in Europe. After waiting for eight long and uncertain hours, I was taken off the plane, along with all of the other passengers. There were long lines of angry people waiting to talk to airline employees who could only give vague answers and work hard to calm their customers. The board showed a flight schedule of 60 flights, almost all of them marked with an uncanny “cancelled,” due to an unexpected airline strike. There were people, suitcases, announcements, signs, noise, and in the midst of all this, me—a recovering food addict who had missed a connecting flight to the FA convention. My mind was racing. Thank God I had packed dinner, but where was I going to get my abstinent meals for the unexpected 24 hour layover ahead of me? Where was I going to sleep? I had no clue, but I did have... Continue Reading
Apologies do not always come easy. In FA, I have learned to accept that I am powerless over food, that my life had become unmanageable, and I made a decision to turn my will and my life over to a higher power of my own understanding. I’ve been taught to take a long hard look at what my part is in the situations or conflicts over which I carry resentments and anger. Early in my recovery from food addiction, an FA member told me a story about a time when her husband bullied her and was driving the car in a dangerous manner to scare her. When she told her sponsor about it, the sponsor said, “Apologize for your part.” I gasped when she told me that, and I said out loud. “I don’t know if I am that evolved.” Now I have come to understand, through personal experience, that... Continue Reading
After eight hours and two abstinent meals on the train, I was there. A committed FA member welcomed me with open arms. It was rainy and cold, and I was exhausted. An hour later another member arrived. We shared a room together. We were excited to meet since we had talked a lot on the phone. In two hours time we attended our first meeting of this nationwide FA get-together. Five beaming faces welcomed us, faces I see maybe once a year and voices I have heard a lot on the telephone. It was hilarious, and there were lots of hugs and screams of excitement. This was the first FA meeting I had attended in months, since I live in a place that doesn’t have FA meetings. The topic was, “The first 90 days.” There were 12 of us and eight had more than 90 days. While listening to people’s... Continue Reading
About a year-and-a-half into my FA program, having lost 58 pounds and reaching my goal weight, I started planning a trip. My 17-year-old daughter and I were planning to spend a couple of weeks traveling in Latin America and going to Spanish language school. But my program wasn’t as strong as I thought and, during the planning, I had a break. I didn’t go into relapse, thank God, but indecision racked our plans—which country, which language school, which flights? At times, I doubted that I would keep my abstinence while traveling. It seemed that when I was in charge, planning was chaotic. Then one day during quiet time, everything changed. I heard a voice, or had a thought, that I should make staying abstinent the number one organizing principle of the trip. Fellows shared at meetings about traveling successfully, abstinently. I believed it and my conviction grew. Within days, my... Continue Reading
