I had a boyfriend when I came into FA. After a year of being abstinent, it became clear that we needed to end the relationship. My boyfriend and I had been together for four years, and the fear, doubt, and insecurity was intense when I went through that breakup. I used my FA program like a lifeline in order to stay abstinent. My sponsor suggested a “no dating” commitment in order for me to discover who I was without a boyfriend. I came to realize how much having a boyfriend had masked my insecurities. I studied the Twelve Steps and worked my Program without dating. I developed many crushes on unhealthy men, but refrained from acting out on my feelings. I was still quite sick emotionally and spiritually. I have a lot of fear and, in the end, found it easy not to date, as I had not had many... Continue Reading
When I came into FA at 5’2”(160cm), I weighed 143 pounds (65Kgs). Now I am 34 years old and weigh 112 pounds (51Kgs). I have lived in Taiwan and had never heard of any 12 step programs until I spoke with my cousins who live in the US and were doing another 12 step program. I told them that I could not stop eating. They gave me literature from another 12 step food-related program and I read it with tears. I tried it for a couple of months. Unfortunately, I still struggled with binging. Then one of the other food-related program fellows told me she was doing FA and gave me some FA fellows’ numbers to outreach with. Instead of calling the fellows right away, I surfed the FA website and I got 19 YESes of the 20 questions for the newcomer. I was so desperate and reached out to... Continue Reading
I came into FA for the sanity, not the vanity. At 5’5″ with a slight frame, I weighed 174 pounds, though my highest weight had been 188. I would go to yoga class, and then buy a complete meal at the drive thru. I promised myself every day that I was going to do better. I failed every single day. I could not stop eating. I was fat, yes, and sick of myself, but I joined FA in desperation because I was taking it out on my family. I yelled, cried, and regularly accused my lovely husband of sabotaging my weight loss efforts. After two bouts with breast cancer and suffering with high blood pressure and constantly aching back and hands, I knew I had to get off the flour and sugar. In FA, I lost 56 pounds in about nine months. And now, with the tools of the program... Continue Reading
I am riding my bike the few blocks to the beach. It is dawn and the sun is about to rise into a glorious daybreak. My heart is hearing Pete Townsend on the ukulele as he sings, “I love every minute of the day.” I look down at my body as it easily maneuvers the bike, and I smile. My stomach is flat, my legs are slender, and my hips are proportionately curvy. I am wearing polka dot leggings that I purchased on clearance in the junior section while shopping with my daughter. I am 53 years old, and I look adorable. I am enjoying myself and having fun with my husband and children. I am not controlling every activity or overstuffing our day with a flurry of things nobody really wants to do. When they say, “What are we doing today?” I can respond, “Whatever you want,” and mean... Continue Reading
My old way of reacting to family time was to avoid it. I remember being a kid and knowing that my aunt and uncle had driven from another state and were finally safely resting in our home visiting with the rest of the family. I hadn’t seen them in a long time. I was scared to go into the living room. Maybe it would be awkward. The more I ignored the cheerful voices in the living room, the bigger the fear became in my mind, which made me feel uncomfortable. So I stayed in my bed, read my book, snacked and told myself that I didn’t care. They can’t make me. I spent a lot of my time avoiding life and being defiant, but deep down I felt sad because I was missing out. And deep down I blamed myself and I avoided more. That behavior continued to grow. I... Continue Reading
