Before joining FA I would have told you I was not an angry person, but since coming into the program I have realized just how angry I used to be. Growing up, I always felt cheated out of the good things that life had to offer. I wanted what everyone else seemed to have: loving parents, a big house, and money to buy the things I wanted. I was always looking for that good life, and I always seemed to end up with the short end of the stick. I became angry with people, places, things, and situations. I got into alcohol and drugs and lost custody of my two younger children, which fueled my anger even more. Then I lost my 16-year-old son to suicide, which pushed me over the edge. When I came into FA three years ago, I weighed 294 pounds and my anger was at an... Continue Reading
When I walked into my first FA meeting, I didn’t know what to expect. Not only had I never been to a 12 step meeting before, I didn’t even know anyone in a 12 step program. It was a Sunday morning, I was 22 years old, and a girl my age was leading the meeting. A few people stood up and said they were available to sponsor. I figured that if I was desperate enough to get myself out of bed at 7 o’clock on a Sunday morning, then I might as well go ahead and ask one of these people to sponsor me even though I didn’t know exactly what that meant. I chose someone who looked friendly and non-threatening, and I asked her to be my sponsor. Having a sponsor tell me exactly what to eat every day was a new concept for me, but I was excited... Continue Reading
My FA friend and I started our drive to the World Service Convention with our usual excitement about being able to spend time with long-term members. While we come from a growing and thriving fellowship, it is young and we only have one person with more than a decade of abstinence. We enjoyed our drive and twelve hours of conversation in the car, and were looking forward to arriving at the Convention. It had been pouring rain the entire day and the roads were slick. As we got within a half hour of the Convention, we were glad that the previous part of our journey was ending. Coming off the Turnpike and navigating a dramatic curve on the slippery road, I lost control of the car. I thought it would just slip and slide a little (my friend later told me she thought we would flip over) but instead we... Continue Reading
My childhood was stormy, and whenever the sky looked dark, I turned to food. My parents divorced when I was four, and I lived with my mother and three older siblings. Fear was a constant in our house. My mother’s first husband was a paranoid schizophrenic, who hurt my mom on a particularly bad night. When my mom’s brother confronted him, they got into a brawl that ended in bloodshed, and my mom’s husband was institutionalized for life. He broke out of the facility more than once, and we lived in fear of his repeated threats toward my mother. My mom’s brother fell into serious addiction, murdered a woman in a drug-induced rage, and called from prison on a regular basis. We were all frightened of him. My mother was single for a long time, with four kids to support. She did her best to keep the cupboards stocked and... Continue Reading
My father was going through radiation treatment after his cancer came back. I received news of the reoccurrence while I was across the country at college, but through G-d’s impeccable timing, my summer break aligned with my father’s treatment. I was able to spend precious time with my dad driving him to his treatments, cuddling on the couch, and helping my mom around the house. Yes, there were many special miracles during this time, but there was also much frustration. The doctors prescribed a very particular diet for my father to eat during radiation, and being the good food addict that I am, I hovered over every meal. I offered to make him the suggested foods, but he didn’t want any of it. In fact, he didn’t want much of anything. Yet I kept at him–fueled by fear of what he was up against and resentment that he was not... Continue Reading
