Eating for me was like being in a contest to see how much more I could eat than anyone else at the table. When I was in around seventh grade, my parents were entertaining a friend from New Zealand and we went to a popular fast-food place for lunch. The friend commented on how much Americans eat. Not to let her down, I ordered an entire extra meal and ate everything. At an even younger age, my family was visiting an old friend for supper. I kept eating and eating, to show our host how much I liked the food. I ate until I got sick. I’ve had trouble with food ever since I can remember. While I was growing up I continually sneaked large amounts of sugar and flour products until they were all gone, just hoping that no one would notice. It was somehow acceptable in my family... Continue Reading
Thanksgiving was my favorite holiday when I was a child. Growing up in California, I remember the playful ritual of raking soft and crunchy leaves. In November, there were still some red, orange, and golden yellow leaves that we raked into giant piles on my friend’s lawn. We would run and fling ourselves into the cushiony masses over and over, giggling with delight. Then my friend’s father would bag the leaves and order us upstairs to clean up. We knew what was next. Off to the kitchen, filled with home- cooked rewards for our work. Next we would repeat the same silly ritual at my own home. That would be the beginning of our day of thanks, family, food, and merriment. There seemed to be no problem with this over-sized event. Everything seemed joyful, loving, and harmless. Childhood metabolism and boundless energy seemed to offset the assault of the quantities. I certainly did not realize that, for me, these joyful moments would be the event that marked a traditional Thanksgiving gobble-gobble-and-binge day. Little... Continue Reading
The holidays are upon us once again. This will be my third holiday season in FA and there have been many changes in how I celebrate them. I came into program two weeks before Thanksgiving weighing 297 pounds. I now weigh 147, thanks to Program and my Higher Power. I always had a fear of not having enough. My holiday feasts were just that, feasts. I would make enough food to feed an army. I never told my sponsor about all the food and desserts I made for my first Thanksgiving in Program. I was making dinner for eight family members and each of them had a favorite dessert. There were eight people for dinner, and I made fourteen desserts. I had to make sure there was enough to go around. My Christmas dinners were also way over the top. I planned to make the traditional foods, and then I... Continue Reading
I was born into a family of addiction and mental illness, and I was the biggest offender. My drug of choice was food. I was the oldest of four children and always had to set good example for my younger sisters. My younger brother had to fend for himself most of the time. The poor guy was brought up with three extremely obese sisters. When we all sat down to eat dinner, as we did in those days, we never had enough, no matter how much my mother put on the table. We had seconds and thirds and it still wasn’t enough. My father retreated to the bedroom to nap. He either worked or napped, his way of escaping from the problems in the family. I suppose he thought my mother could and would take care everything, along with the cooking and cleaning. I do remember her always being there... Continue Reading
The plane had barely landed at the airport in Israel and I was already calling the hospital to check on my Dad. The hospital staff told me to come straight from the airport to the hospital. I got the first cab and headed to the hospital. When I got to the ward, they told me my Dad had just died a few minutes ago. The Nurse who told me the news told me to sit down and she got me some water. She also said that some things had to be taken care of right away and she handed me some forms that I needed to get signed that evening. My first thought was that I can’t do it, but G-d can, and I will let him. At that time, I had been in program nearly ten years, and I had seven years of abstinence. I had given away around... Continue Reading
