The speaker at the first FA meeting I attended was adorable and wore a yellow, cardigan sweater. All of the buttons were buttoned, which was what got my attention. I could not button my sweaters. My blouses, on the other hand, had safety pins to keep the gaps closed. Not a pretty sight! That meeting really woke me up for the first time in forever. People actually said out loud what I’d kept in the dark cave of my own guilt and despair for my entire life. At the meeting I heard the speaker ask people with less than 90 days of abstinence to read from the front of the room. I immediately decided (or my disease decided for me) that I would not be getting up there to read. I did not want to be seen in the last, stretched pair of pants that still kind of fit. I... Continue Reading
I was eating when I didn’t want to be eating. This phrase came into my head in a small, clear voice one day while I was sitting in my morning quiet time. I had already been in recovery for three years, but couldn’t see how I was a food addict. I spent so long in such a deep level of denial that it took years of abstinence before I was able to see my food addiction for what it was. I always had some justification for the way I ate. I said I ate a lot because…then I would just choose from one of the following: I played lacrosse. I was a tall girl. I had a fast metabolism. I was bored. I was hung over. I was high. I was Jewish. I was hungry. What I learned in recovery was that I was incredibly insecure, fearful, and uncomfortable in... Continue Reading
When things don’t go my way – and trust me, they often don’t – I know now that it’s much better to consider what God is looking to teach me rather than to start feeling sorry for myself. I am learning in all aspects of my work and my family life to turn my thinking from self-pity into gratitude. I have a choice today. I can choose to go into self-pity, or I can choose to be grateful. At my office, we recently reorganized our space and the desks. When I was sitting at my new desk I found myself building up resentments against one of my colleagues, because I thought that she had the “perfect” desk. No wonder she’s so happy at work, I thought. During my quiet time the next day, God helped me to turn things around and to start being grateful. I thought about my lovely... Continue Reading
Lesson 1 – Life on Life’s Terms Before Program, I had a lot of anger and resentment over certain life circumstances. I am the oldest of four children, and my dad died when I was ten years old. I had many responsibilities that a ten-year-old should not have. I spent a lot of time resenting my mom. I ended up moving 3,000 miles away from her. Eight months after joining Program, I moved within driving distance of her (not planned by me) and was able to show up and bring her grandchildren, my girls, to visit their grandma. Working the program helped me to realize that not everything is about me, and I was able to let a lot of my pain from the past go in order to create a more loving present and future. My mom passed away only one year after I moved back to the area,... Continue Reading
I was standing at the kitchen counter, watching the talking heads on the TV across the room, as I became aware that I was about to finish my sixth bowl of breakfast product and was getting ready to pour my seventh. I wanted to stop, but couldn’t. That’s when I knew I needed help. Again. I’d been in Twelve-Step programs before: Al-a-teen, Al-a-non, AA (Alcoholics Anonymous), and OA. I knew there was help out there. I knew that some of the meetings that would benefit me were right across the street from my office, but that didn’t change my behavior one bit. It was just me and my lack of action. Now I knew I would have to actually do something; I would have to move into action. So I went to my laptop and searched the internet for, “OA meetings.” The list popped up, and the next morning, I... Continue Reading
