When I first came into FA several years ago, my sponsor made many suggestions to help me get abstinent and stay abstinent. I quickly got into the habit of taking them all. One of her earliest suggestions was about attending meetings. Because there was only one FA meeting in my area, some of my meetings would have to be AA meetings. This horrified me! It was bad enough that I was a food addict, but going to meetings with alcoholics was asking too much. I doubted if I would ever find enough willingness to take this suggestion. Luckily I was granted a morsel of willingness and soon started researching AA meeting possibilities. To avoid running into anyone I knew, I strategically picked meetings outside of my immediate area and started scouting them out. For many weeks, I simply drove to the meetings, sat in my car, and watched as people walked in. I wanted to... Continue Reading
I just had a very interesting birthday. My husband and I had plans for a “double dip” celebration for my birthday and our second wedding anniversary. We made reservations two months in advance at our wedding hotel. The anticipation of a wonderful, intimate weekend sustained us through the end-of-semester stresses both of us faced with our jobs. I was going to see my family on Friday night to get the weekend rolling. We had planned an anniversary dinner with special friends on Saturday, then a romantic private lunch for my birthday on Sunday. The weekend would be topped off with a visit to my dear favorite aunt, who is 90-years old. In the past, I would have just eaten over the stress. I would have been busy planning all the favorite binge foods I was going to reward myself with on my special day. Birthdays were always an excuse to... Continue Reading
When I was heavy, I didn’t enjoy shopping at all and had no interest in it. It was way too hard to find clothes that fit, and it was a chore trying things on. Of course, nothing fit. I’d end up trying a size bigger, first a 14, then a 16, and before long, in order to get something that didn’t bind or feel too tight, I was in the 1X section. That was the ultimate humiliation. I was embarrassed to even be in that section, and I felt as if everyone was looking at me and judging me. I couldn’t believe that I was that big, but I was. I could never go shopping alone, and I went only if I had some special event. The whole shopping thing always seemed impossible, and I avoided it like the plague. I basically had no fashion sense whatsoever. I didn’t know... Continue Reading
My brother’s voice sounded calm and clear when he said, “Our mother was found dead in her garden yesterday.” I stopped cutting vegetables. “Dead? What do you mean … dead?” I responded, “No, This is impossible. She was fine when she was here four weeks ago.” My brother said that he didn’t know what happened, but that she was, in fact, dead. I hung up and a dark and heavy cloud engulfed me that would stay with me for another year. Mom! My mom… My mom and I had a very ambivalent relationship. It has never been easy. Memories of a lifetime relationship with mom flooded my mind. The day she beat me up when I was 17. The day she had laughed out loud about my breasts when I was 14. The day she took me to the hospital after I had taken an overdose. Our relationship had become... Continue Reading
My struggle with weight began after the birth of my first child when I was in my late twenties, although I was able to lose and maintain a healthy weight through Weight Watchers until the birth of my third son. By my early forties, I simply could not stick with a diet. The higher my weight, the more sick I became; the more sick I became, the more junk food I ate for comfort. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and after two years on a health leave, I entered a fibro treatment program. My symptoms improved for several years. At that time I had been in a relationship for five years. When I attempted to lose weight and shed 20 pounds, my partner felt threatened by my weight loss, which apparently triggered his insecurities. He would say things like, “You are going to leave me once you lose the weight,”... Continue Reading
