They call ours the disease of more, and besides wanting to eat more, this addict also always wanted to do more. As a result, most of my life is littered with memories of running late, probably because I always overcommitted. I frequently planned the impossible, trying to fit everything in. The most horrifying memory I have of running late is from long before I joined FA. I was in my mid-30s, a single mother of two, living on a housing project in southeast London. My son and daughter, ten and seven, were latchkey kids. They would walk home together from school, let themselves into the flat, call me at work, and make themselves a snack. Then they’d head back out onto the playground to play with friends until I got home, usually just an hour later. One particular Thursday I decided to meet up at a pub after work with... Continue Reading
Last year I was reporting on one of the biggest murder cases of the past decade, and I made the most basic of errors: I made an assumption about a legal issue. The assumption turned to fact in my head, and I never checked whether or not it was true. It wasn’t. I reported on the case and so broke the law of contempt. This was the biggest mistake of my career. Bigger than when I was eating addictively and would regularly be late because I had to stop at the drive-thru on the way to work, despite having just finished breakfast. Bigger than when I would spend most of the day in the office toilet, crying. Bigger even than when I was eventually fired for being “rude, abrupt, and causing a bad feeling.” (I was always a joy when I was in the food!) The first I heard about... Continue Reading
The first time I came to FA, I thought I could run the program my way. I had been working a good AA program and had 27 years of sobriety. The only thing that I needed FA for was to lose weight. I learned the hard way that half measures avail us nothing. I did lose weight. I went from 200 pounds down to 130 and kept it off for 2.5 years. I weighed and measured my food, and that was about it. I didn’t think I needed to do the other disciplines because I was different, unique. So I ran my program my way. I didn’t have time to meditate. Sometimes I did the phone calls, if I felt like it. I only went to two FA meetings because my third meeting could be an AA meeting. I couldn’t be bothered reading the AA Big Book, because I had... Continue Reading
I used to get so excited about the holidays. It meant I could do what I was known for—baking. Starting in September, I would get out my collection of cookbooks and find recipes. I’d have my children vote on which things I should make. And of course, I had to search for that one new recipe for the year. And it wasn’t just simple desserts; I made a complicated variety of things and at least one very extravagant dessert. When my sponsor suggested that I should not bake, I ignored her. She was young, unmarried, and had no children. She didn’t understand that baking was one of the ways I showed my love. I put not only the baking ingredients into that batter, but also, and most importantly, tons and tons of love. And so I baked. It was very difficult. I had to have one of my children in... Continue Reading
I became a member of FA right after my gastric sleeve surgery. It had finally dawned on me that if I was letting someone put a knife to my gut, that maybe I had an issue with food. By my six-month post-operative appointment, I was well beyond the goals my surgeon expected after a full year. I had reached the weight the doctor had as my long-term goal. I had healthy blood-work results and had achieved the ability, unusual for such a recent patient, to eat only three times a day in the ample amounts suggested by my FA sponsor. My surgeon was floored. “Well, we can’t have you show up to the post-op support group meetings. You’ll give my other patients unrealistic expectations!” (I passed him an FA brochure and told him about Program.) My doctor then asked if I was done losing weight. I said that even by his charts,... Continue Reading
