Weddings and funerals. I didn’t show up for either one when I was in the food. Weddings were uncomfortable because I would spend the whole time comparing myself to others. Funerals were terrible because I could never figure out what to say to sad people. I failed to realize I wasn’t the most important person at either type of event! After 10 years of recovery, I am happy to say I’ve learned a little bit about showing up. This summer, my 89 year-old mother suffered from congestive heart failure. After several trips to the emergency room, the doctor informed the family that it was time to call in Hospice. Each of my sisters had several days of caring for Mom. My turn came when my mom was nearing the end. I didn’t have any experience caring for someone so ill. I wondered if I would be able to provide tender,... Continue Reading
After a friend told me about FA, I decided to go to a meeting, feeling unsure of what I was going to get from it. I had never heard anything about food addiction before, but when I heard people share about how they had lost so much weight and kept it off, I was so excited that I got a sponsor that day. I wanted the weight off because my knees were hurting and I needed surgery. Despite my desire to lose weight, I found all kinds of excuses to tell my sponsor what I could and couldn’t do. Finally, I shared with my sponsor that she was too hard of a person and I walked away from FA. I wanted to have knee surgery, but the doctor required that I lose some weight before surgery. I got a sponsor and lost 25 pounds, which was just enough to allow... Continue Reading
This is a story of how God turned my fear into joy. I had cut up my fruit for breakfast and put it in a bowl the night before. I woke up the next day and completed all my morning tools, absorbing all of God’s serenity and peace, to be equipped for the “challenges and joys of the day,” as our FA format reminds us. I can so easily convince myself that, after dropping to my knees and asking God to give me the strength to stay abstinent, I’ll magically be free of trials or “spiritual growth opportunities,” as my sponsor would say. This morning was different! I went to the kitchen to take my pre-weighed fruit out of the refrigerator. I wanted it to sit on the counter while I made some outreach calls, to get rid of the cold chill by the time I was ready to eat... Continue Reading
My road to 90 days of continuous abstinence took 164 days. I chose to create extra bumps in my path by resisting every tool and discipline. My family of origin labeled me “The Rebel” early on, and my attitude did not change when I labeled myself a “Food Addict” after joining FA. My wise and patient sponsor encouraged me, rather than corralling me with “shoulds” and “musts.” Even an entrenched rebel like me has trouble railing against unconditional love. Slowly, begrudgingly, I began making outreach calls. Speaking to three people by phone remained my goal for the day for at least 40 days of my first four months in FA. Eventually that onerous chore morphed into an enjoyable activity. I attacked my quiet time next. In my twenties I tried meditation, but no matter how hard I worked at the practice, I never achieved the quiet mindset and solace that... Continue Reading
Before FA, Thanksgiving meant one thing: food. As a kid I did not understand the appeal of Thanksgiving foods, but that didn’t stop me from overeating along with everyone else. Growing up, I was overweight, and by the time I graduated from college at 22, I was 206 pounds (about 93 kilos). Since I wasn’t a fan of the main course dishes, the desserts became a larger and larger part of the holiday excitement for me. As I got older, I began to enjoy the recognition I got from making complex, intricate desserts. I remember taking helping after helping of leftover sweets for days after the meal. If it was there, I felt a compulsion to get rid of it, by eating it myself! It called to me, and I couldn’t stop thinking about it. When I got to graduate school, I started trying to control my weight. I became... Continue Reading
