I was four years into FA when my mother had double knee-replacement surgery. I flew from California to Boston in February to help her and help care for my father who has advanced Alzheimer’s. It was one of the most challenging times I’ve had in Program and one of the most rewarding. To this day, I marvel that I continued to work my tools and didn’t eat. Traveling is always a challenge for me, but the emotional demands, short timeframe, and freezing cold weather made it worse. I arrived on a red eye and went straight to my mom who had just gotten out of rehab and was staying at a friend’s house, because it would have been too hard on her and my dad to be at home. When I arrived, she held me and cried. I’d never seen my tough mother like this. It was hard to see her... Continue Reading
I came into FA when I was 36 years old. I was 50 pounds (22.7 kilos) overweight, hating myself, and unable to keep myself from eating. I ate no matter what commitment, promise, or oath I made with myself, or anyone else, to not eat. All I needed was a thought about food and I had to have it. I thought about food all the time. I would be eating one food and thinking about the next food I wanted to eat. If I was doing something that didn’t allow me to eat, I was planning the next thing I would eat and when I would get it. I ate in the bath, the car, in bed, on the toilet, and while driving. I met someone working the FA program while I was in another Twelve-Step program for compulsive overeaters. I was still miserable, and I wanted what she had. She... Continue Reading
Joy and happiness were not part of any move before I came into FA. When my family moved when I was a teenager, the only thing I looked forward to was my excitement about our refrigerator being outside while the kitchen was being remodeled. This allowed me to keep my sneaking food more anonymous. I also thought that I wouldn’t eat as much because it would be more “work” to go out in the cold to get my binge foods, but the weather didn’t stop me. I was a horrible roommate before Program took over my heart and my life. I stole my roommates’ food and took up an unequal amount of fridge space. I binged on large quantities of food, over-exercised, and purged into the toilet. I was inconsiderate and didn’t clean up after myself. I judged my college roommates for eating what I thought was more than ... Continue Reading
I cannot believe how healthy I am today. I am 34 pounds (over 15 kilos) lighter and am healthy beyond imagination. I found out about Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA) after talking to a psychologist friend of mine about my eating habits. I used to beat myself up in front of the mirror, be disgusted with my body and, most importantly, feel disgusted with the man I had turned into. I told my friend that I didn’t have breakfast, only ate lunch if I went out with my coworkers, and then went home to raid the fridge and pantry as if it was my last day on earth. Then I topped it off with sugar products and watched TV until it was time to go to bed. I told myself I would start fresh the next day, but I never did. I told him that I didn’t understand why ... Continue Reading
Recently, I shared with my sponsor that I had experienced intense emotional and physical breakdowns. She connected the dots for me and suggested that I needed to slow down. After listening to her suggestions, I have been carefully examining how I’m living my life, both in the big picture and moment to moment. I realized that her observation that I had too much going on was certainly true. I am now looking for things to let go of to ensure that I am living a manageable life. If I don’t, I know I am at risk of returning to addictive eating. I need to treat myself like a newcomer each day. I must make sure my recovery comes first, and that I don’t get so busy that I feel hectic and worn out. In trying to downshift into a new, slower gear, I was going in and out ... Continue Reading
