When I came into recovery 14 years ago, one of the first things my sponsor said to me was, “Okay, let’s put first things first; go ahead and give me your food.” A light went on for me at that moment. “First things first” was one of those expressions I’d heard or seen on bumper stickers, but never understood. Suddenly it meant something to me. That was the beginning of my understanding of the word “priority.” My sponsor gave me my new priority list, in order: 1) recovery, 2) family, and 3) job. That meant that I had to take care of my recovery first and above all else. Because of the way that first conversation had begun, I had a sense of what that might mean and how to accomplish it. If something is at the top of the priority list, it means it has to be done first.... Continue Reading
At 37 years old, I am going through the FA “change of life.” After a year in Program, I now realize that my Higher Power can do amazing things in just a “mini-pause” before I react. My previous reactions to life brought my weight up to 340 pounds. As appalling as that was, my behavior was even more notorious. I was full of anger at my own weakness and inabilities, and my anger spewed out onto family, friends, and co-workers. The people I cared for the most bore the brunt of my depression and insanity. My reaction to everything was instantaneous and uncontrollable. Instant thoughts of food led to instant eating. Instant realization of unfilled expectations led to instant criticism. Neither the food nor my outbursts were gratifying. I felt completely powerless over my reactions. My actions were instant, but the self-loathing over those reactions lingered and multiplied. Being willing... Continue Reading
I am a 24-year-old food addict in recovery from overeating, under eating (more “attempting to” than actually sticking to it), and intense bulimic behavior. It started when I was as young as five years old, when I thought I was fat. As I grew up, I couldn’t even make a phone call to a stranger. I would freak out and create a dramatized story about someone finding out that I was worthless and dumb. I had great fear of what other people thought of me and had very little self-esteem. I spent my days eating, drinking, and throwing up. I couldn’t talk to adults because I thought they were superior to me. In my part-time jobs while attending school, if a customer asked if I could help find a product, my mind would go straight to self criticism, and I would think to myself, You’re stupid, you don’t know how... Continue Reading
Here are my thoughts about how I make conscious contact with G-d during the day. I am only a new believer in a higher power, which I do not call G-d, but I feel awkward during my day talking to “it,” or whatever it may be. My belief in a higher power has emerged only since I began FA two-and-a-half years ago. Through participation in an AWOL, I have just begun to think that there may even be a higher power. Before this, for over 50 years, I was a committed, contented, devout atheist. Now as I have tried on this budding belief in a higher power, I am awkward in talking or otherwise communicating with it. (I hope I am not offending anyone by my referring to it as “it,” but not knowing how to define this higher power, it is the best I can do.) During my day... Continue Reading
During one of the sharing sessions at an FA meeting, I heard someone say that she was in the right-size body until her mid-forties, and when she put down cigarettes, she took up food. Oh, I said to myself, what did I put down when I picked up food? All of a sudden, it dawned on me…my husband! Yes, in my mid-forties, when I divorced my husband, I gradually picked up food to quell the gnawing feelings of emotional insecurity, now that I felt I was alone in the world. What a revelation this was for me! I’d spent several years counseling women on adapting to various transitions in life, like divorce, and I thought I had made it through that rough patch myself. However, I used food to treat myself on Friday nights when I felt lonely and, when I was feeling celebratory, I ate and drank wine. I... Continue Reading
