I find that one of Dr. Phil’s messages is helpful to me in FA. He suggests that when you are driven to addictive, negative actions, that you do something completely different to change your behavior patterns. For example, he said that if you want a cigarette when you get home, but are trying to stop smoking, then go for a swim instead. You cannot swim and smoke at the same time! In the same way, FA suggests changing the habit of using food as a default for whatever is going on in life. Instead, in Program, we make an outreach call, ask God for guidance, or contact our sponsor—all good tools to recovery. I took Dr. Phil’s advice. When I first joined FA six months ago, after my evening meal, I would go upstairs to my bedroom, run a hot bath, and soak in it for half an hour. This... Continue Reading
I love the Twenty-Four Hours a Day book. It reminds me of where I used to be—I was an addiction hopper, depending on many things in addition to food. I remember depending on alcohol to break down my shyness so I could have a good time dancing at country music bars. I remember moaning and groaning with a whiskey bottle in my hand when I had a bad sore throat, and I expected my husband to take charge of getting me to a doctor. That immaturity amazes me now that I am on the other side of owning my own responsibilities. I have a clear memory of what I did to manage my high anxiety when I had a fight with my husband. I couldn’t get to the store fast enough for a pack of cigarettes for a nicotine fix. When it came to food, it seemed I didn’t need a particular reason to... Continue Reading
I didn’t have recognizable weight issues until my late forties. I was always just shy of 140 pounds, but then I started to put weight on, primarily helped by a stress-related job. I was very addicted to flour and sugar and used them to medicate myself when I had any feelings. I would act out, not only with food, but also with rage and anger—corrosive anger. I was like a dry-drunk—mercurial, grandiose, manipulative, sentimental, and confused. The key was my inner state. If I felt incapable, less-than, or mildly threatened, I would react violently. When I was a kid, I remember taking a friend to visit my grandmother, who had looked after me after my mother died. My grandmother liked my friend and commented on his politeness. I felt really threatened, as he seemed to be usurping her heart. I picked a fight with him and struck him, hurting him... Continue Reading
When I weighed 275 pounds I would lie in bed and say to myself that I would do anything to be thin. Today I realize that my “anything” is working my FA program. Yes, there are moments when I think how nice it would be to stay in bed and not be up before dawn. There are cold nights when all I want to do is curl up on the sofa and watch television, not go out to an FA meeting. When I have those thoughts, however, I think them through. Because I know that even though I have lost 125 pounds and proudly wear a size six, I am still a food addict and only one bite away from being off to the races and putting those 125 pounds back on. Even though I didn’t start to visibly wear my disease until I was in my late 30s, I’ve... Continue Reading
Pretty much from the beginning, I had difficulty surrendering to my sponsor’s suggestions. One of the reasons for this is that I had come into FA from other Twelve-Step programs and had been trained in my habits for more than 20 years. “Doing my own thing” began with keeping small secrets, but eventually escalated to a larger scale. When I visited my daughter in another state, I would eat a snack in the movies with my grandchildren, or eat all of something in the refrigerator while my daughter was at work. I would then rush to the market to replace it before my daughter came home. I failed to tell anyone about these things. After a while, my peace of mind and serenity were gone, and I began to feel miserable. During this period, even though I was in severe emotional pain, I continued sponsoring, leading meetings, and even became... Continue Reading
