When I was new in FA, I heard over and over, almost to the point of the ridiculous, “Just weigh and measure your food and everything will be okay.” It seemed trite and a bit simplistic to me, and it got a little irritating after a while. Little did I know that those words would be coming enthusiastically out of my own mouth a short time later. After only being seven months abstinent, I had an opportunity (I can call it an opportunity now in retrospect) to understand first-hand how weighing and measuring my food and working the tools of my program can change everything. I have a 22-year-old daughter who was diagnosed with bipolar rapid cycling seven years ago, at age 15. Her descent into mental illness at first, before we got a diagnosis, was more than I could handle emotionally, and my addictive eating got completely out of... Continue Reading
I am 53 years old, 5’4″ tall, and I weigh 138.8 pounds. I have never been less than 140 in my adult life. Just a year ago, l weighed 195 pounds (my highest weight was 250 back in 2002). After yo-yo dieting for years, and after major stresses, I finally hit rock bottom and believed my life was over. Quite frankly, I wanted it to be. I had been living on the edge for several years. I was not only a food addict, but I had multiple addictions. Although I hadn’t used alcohol or illegal drugs for more than 30 years, I consistently used money, work, and food to deal with life. I worked an average of 14-15 hours per day, six days a week. I ate at work constantly, with something going into my mouth every 15 minutes, all day long. I would get up several times during the... Continue Reading
I heard of FA from a friend, who did not have anything good to say about it. It didn’t even matter what she said about FA, because it was of no interest to me. I had come to the profound and somewhat freeing revelation that I would be fat for the rest of my life. The revelation came when I was looking at a family photo. The men, women, and children were all big in the same way. Every time I attempted to control my eating, it went crazy. When I decided to stop dieting, I told myself that not trying to change was good for me. I wondered what was so wrong with me anyway. I was a nice person. I held down a job and did lots of charity work. I had friends and family who loved me, so what was the problem, really? Sure I hated myself... Continue Reading
I have been abstinent for more than 12 years, maintaining a normal weight of 107 pounds on my 5’1″ frame for most of that time; my top weight was at least 60 pounds heavier. I was plagued with the accordion body syndrome, going up and down the same 10, 20, or 30 pounds dozens of times. I was raised in a family of privilege in the Chicago area. My parents have a storybook marriage and modeled a strong partnership. I was showered with affection and attention as I grew up, but I was unable to take in the love. My folks were not perfect. They passed on to me some not-so-subtle messages that their love was conditional. I grew up believing that in order to be loved, I needed to play the part of the good daughter—and that meant looking good (thin) and behaving properly. I was a dutiful, obedient... Continue Reading
I went to the California Department of Motor Vehicles to renew my driver’s license. I was especially excited, because after a year of abstinence in FA and a 111 pound weight loss, I wanted to use my new weight on my license. My old license read 230 pounds, which was a total lie. I passed 230 pounds in high school on the way to my high of 300 pounds. I thought if a cop pulled me over, I could pass for 230. I was always in denial about how much I actually weighed. Well today was different. I filled out the form and wrote the exact weight I saw on the scale: 165.0. I emphasized the point zero and handed it to the clerk. She examined the form and frowned, “Are you sure this is how much you weigh?” “Yes,” I say proudly, “one six five point zero.” I thought... Continue Reading
