When I was 23 years old, I had everything going for me. I had amazing and devoted parents whose love I never doubted. I had a wonderful relationship with both of my sisters, whom I saw and spoke to regularly. I had just graduated Phi Beta Kappa from Yale University and had just been accepted to Brown for graduate school. I had a terrific job teaching second grade at a progressive school in Brooklyn, NY. I lived a few blocks away in the basement apartment of my aunt and uncle’s brownstone. That apartment was the envy of my friends because it was so spacious and comfortable. My aunt and uncle and five cousins constantly reached out to me, inviting me to dinner and trying to make me feel like part of their family. I had dozens of college friends and new friends living in the NYC area and I was known for... Continue Reading
I grew up in a pretty strict household, where food was accounted for. I learned early on to sneak food. My father had a strong work ethic and instilled it in me. By 15, I had a part-time job to pay for my school supplies, clothes, and many other expenses. I was very active in my church and high school sports. I became a Boy Scout Eagle Scout, and had a full-time girlfriend. By 18, my father and stepmother asked me to leave my home, and I set out to find my way in the world with not a penny in my pocket or any idea how to manage my life. I was bitter and pissed and felt that God and my family had abandoned me. But I told myself I was going to make it in spite of it all. Nearly a decade prior to coming into Program, I... Continue Reading
There I was again; my own insecurity was complicating the simplest of tasks. I had been in FA for 15 months, lost 100-plus pounds, and marveled at the changes in my body, mind, and spirit. I could now show up and participate in life…but I still was insecure. My neighbor had asked me if I minded watering the plants, getting the mail, and feeding her son’s goldfish while they were away for a few days. I fed the goldfish a “pinch” of food a day as she had instructed. Wow, was my pinch the same as hers? After all, I am a food addict. Could that be enough for the little guy? A little more couldn’t hurt. The next day I found the goldfish swimming funny. Surely it wasn’t the amount of food I gave him. No, I couldn’t have overfed him. By day three he was a floater—dead. I... Continue Reading
About six months ago, my parents were visiting for a few days for the first time since my husband and I moved to our new place. It was a Sunday morning in March and they were about to head back home. We were all walking out to our garage, where their car was parked, to see them off. As soon as we were about to enter the garage, we saw a man dart out with some of my parents’ belongings, which he had grabbed from their car. It was a scene from an adventure movie—a thief, quick and low, escaping with goods, and frantic victims trying to run after him. The man managed to flee, leaving us behind to deal with the police, the loss, and the fear. During those initial moments, the thief had no clue about all that he had managed to steal. As he would discover later,... Continue Reading
Usually my special-needs son goes to school with his brother, but on this particular Monday morning, my other son was out of town and I had the job of getting him to school. I always allow my special-needs son the privilege of rolling my briefcase that contains my laptop and very important schoolwork—the last year of my life’s research towards completing my master’s thesis project. I put my daughter in her car seat, zoomed around the backside of the van, and drove off. I dropped my daughter off, dropped my son off, looked in the back seat for something, and realized that my son and I didn’t take the time to put my briefcase in the car! Hysterical is where I could have gone, and would have gone, if I wasn’t in FA. My reaction was so different from how I used to react to other situations in my life.... Continue Reading
