I was staying in Virginia Beach with my boyfriend for the summer, but I had flown back to my home in Boston on Friday night so that I could attend my AWOL (A Way Of Life—a study of the Twelve Steps) on Saturday morning, followed by another FA meeting. I left my condo at 2 p.m. on Saturday afternoon to head to the airport. I arrived with a comfortable amount of time before boarding my first flight. I had a connecting flight through Newark and had decided to bring my dinner with me because the plane was arriving in Virginia at 7:55 p.m., and I didn’t want to chance going out to dinner after that, in case the plane was delayed. When I arrived in Newark, I found a screen with updated flight information. I carefully scanned the flight numbers, until my eyes finally landed on my flight. In large,... Continue Reading
I like to watch movies. I like the thrill of good triumphing over evil, and I love dramatic love stories. I never get tired of happily-ever-after endings. Worry is like watching a movie I don’t like over and over again. Though my worries never had a happy ending, I couldn’t seem to stop worrying. It dawned on me that worry was a form of entertainment for me. Worry was just an old hobby that I used to preoccupy my mind. A real hobby is something I invest in that can be a rewarding break from everyday life. Worry was my form of escape, except it was not fun or relaxing. Worry is not free. Worry takes a lot of time and it is expensive. It takes its toll on my health in the form of stress, and on my finances in the form of procrastination. As a food addict, I... Continue Reading
My friends referred to me as a support group junkie. Those who have known me for years thought: Here she goes, another support group. It started over 20 years ago with Al-anon, then AA (I have managed to stay sober for 21 years), and on and on with other Twelve-Step programs to address my many other addictions. Don’t ask me why it took so long to find FA, except that I wasn’t ready to give up flour and sugar! When I came into FA four months ago, I was very depressed. I had just spent a lot of money on hypnosis. I had lost 15 pounds in the first three months of hypnosis and then hit a plateau, because I just couldn’t manage portion control. I had spent years dieting, and praying for God to give me the strength to lose weight and keep it off. Then I met someone... Continue Reading
Around eight years ago, I found out that I had to undergo surgery. Although considered a relatively minor procedure, it involved general anesthesia, and at 218 pounds, I was really scared. In my mind, losing weight was not even an option, even though I desperately wanted to lose weight. I could not figure out how to put the food down. After decades of trying a whole variety of diets, I had given up. But I was starting to feeling circulatory problems, like neck tightness and shooting arm numbness. I was bartering with G-d on a daily basis: “G-d, just let me live to see my daughter graduate from college,” I would pray. I knew that something was really wrong. I just took aspirin. There was no point in seeing a doctor, I thought, because I knew what she/he would say: “Lose weight!” Well, if I could have figured out how... Continue Reading
Today I got angry because a package was delivered later than I expected, and I acted abstinently, thanks to FA. Instead of writing an impulsive and angry email, I took quiet time. Then the doorbell rang and it was the package. I thanked the people who delivered it and felt a sense of dignity. I did not act upon my angry impulse. I acted abstinently. Food is not calling to me anymore. It has nothing to offer me. I surrender upcoming resentments, self-pity, and fear to immediate prayer. My life has surely changed. In the past, I had numerous visits to dentists, who started to look at me somewhat strangely. I experienced frequent stomach, throat, and bowel inflammations. One day I spent a hundred marks within a few hours just for food, while my bills sat unpaid. I spent desperate hours in movie theaters, where I sat alone and silently... Continue Reading
