I’m a 23-year old food addict living in Costa Rica and have been interested in food as long as I can remember. Some of my earliest memories are of me trying to sneak food behind my mothers back, and some of my earliest resentments are against my mother for not letting me eat everything I wanted. I was born in California, but my family moved to Costa Rica almost 11 years ago so my mom could go back to school. I didn’t really have a stable upbringing, but the move my parents’ country of origin brought a whole new dimension of instability. I didn’t know the language too well, and I wasn’t very attractive at that time, so the kids didn’t really feel a need to be nice to me. I had a hard time in high school, and food was my main outlet. There was an abundance of bakeries... Continue Reading
Surrender—a word I have been defining and re-defining since I came into FA seven years ago. Did you catch that? A word I have been defining? I have been re-defining? Every time someone suggested I surrender—could be anything—I tried to figure out just what that meant. Time and again, I came up with a definition that went something like this: To surrender: do it (whatever “it” happened to be) someone else’s way this time, then next time I get to do it my way. It is a process of negotiation, compromise, barter. For example, when I first came through the doors of FA I was vegetarian and about 15 pounds underweight. Before the person I had tapped for a sponsor agreed to sponsor me, she asked me two questions: “Are you willing to be open-minded about being vegetarian?” and, “Are you willing to be open-minded about your weight? Translation: Are... Continue Reading
Tonight is the first night of Passover, a Jewish holiday that I have celebrated as far back as I can remember. Celebrating it in abstinence, however, has been a whole new experience for me. The holiday begins with a special meal called a Seder, which marks the beginning of a week-long celebration. During this week, Jewish people observe the holiday by refraining from eating certain foods, including those made with leavened flour. For me, what a relief it is that my food stays exactly the same during Passover—no flour or sugar! Before FA, I used many Passover holidays as an excuse to binge on sugar and the unleavened flour products that are traditionally baked and served only at this time of year. I never thought Passover food was particularly good. In fact, I spent a lot of time making jokes about the food being spongy or tasteless, and commenting that... Continue Reading
I was driving north on 101 from the airport toward San Francisco. I’d just gotten off a 12-hour flight from Sydney. On the plane, I had eaten my two pre-packed, weighed and measured meals. I was so glad I had my abstinent food. I’d done my research, knew the airport security rules, and was ready for anything. It was lunchtime, and I still had one more packed meal in my bag. On the Bay Bridge, I took the Treasure Island exit, parked the car, and looked back across the grey bay to the San Francisco skyline. I was in America. I slowly ate my abstinent meal, taking in the magnificent view. Amidst the elation, I was aware of a deep sense of gratitude to my Higher Power. This wasn’t the first time I had come to the Bay Area in my abstinence. I had made a similar business trip four... Continue Reading
I started FA17 months ago. Especially at the beginning of my recovery, my sponsor would say to me over and over, “The only thing you have to do is to not eat, and God will take care of the rest.” At first I didn’t believe her (I thought she was crazy for saying this), but now I know this is a fact. A couple of weeks ago, I related my whole story to my sponsor for my first Fifth Step in an AWOL. A lot of painful memories from a very abusive childhood surfaced, and I hung onto my sponsor’s words for dear life. I just didn’t eat no matter how uncomfortable things got, and things got very uncomfortable! My body was flooded with physical memories of the abuse. I left my sponsor’s house the day after I completed my fifth step and began a five-hour drive back to my... Continue Reading
