I had been in FA for almost two years, and I was struggling with what to do next. The weight was off. Now what was I to do with myself? I was still wandering through grocery stores reading labels, trying to find something different to fill the hole in me. I was in a store every other day and was finding myself going out to eat more often, having lunches with co-workers during the week, and going out to meals with my husband on the weekends. One of my favorite things to do before I found FA was to go out to eat. I would try to talk my husband into going shopping so I could eat out. I would start thinking on Thursday about were could we go so I can get the largest portions and bring leftovers home. My mind was always planning. Eating out in abstinence was... Continue Reading
Another diet stopped working It never occurred to me that I ate for any other reason aside from loving food. I loved the taste, the texture, the look, the smell, and especially the quantities. I was a skinny kid, but I started using food as a drug after I was molested at age 16. I went to my first Weight Watcher’s meeting at age 17, with ten pounds to lose. After 30 years of yo-yo dieting, I was 60 pounds overweight when I found my way into Overeaters Anonymous (OA). I joined 90-Day OA (the precursor to FA). I felt right at home the first time I heard someone share about what flour and sugar did to them. I identified with all the feelings they were describing. Prior to this, I never was able to express what I was feeling. All I could do was to either react, or check... Continue Reading
When I came into FA in Feb 2007, I was 205 pounds. I didn’t have any “family drama” because I had moved far away from my family. What I didn’t realize was that the drama still existed in my mind and in my heart. Until I could make peace with my family members and accept them for what they were, I would continue to eat. I grew up in a house where I was told all sorts of things about my weight and appearance. I was told that I was big-boned and curvy, and that I had fat people on both sides of the family. I was told that I was always going to have to watch every single thing I put into my mouth, that our family doesn’t have fast metabolisms, and that I would never look like one of those skinny toothpick girls. I was the oldest of... Continue Reading
As soon as my twin baby girls were big enough to eat bite-sized food with their fingers, but before they could talk, they developed that peculiar toddler tendency of urgently thrusting food up to my mouth and offering to feed it to me. My refrains of, “No, you eat it,” and, “No thank you,” were starting to wear thin. I was in danger of feeling sorry for myself for continually having to rebuff their adorable, well-meaning efforts to share food with me and connect in that way. One day God graced me with a solution that completely reframed the meaning of their gesture. Now, when they hold their food up to me with an expectant look, instead of assuming they’re saying, “Mommy, do you want to eat this?” I assume they’re saying, “Mommy, what’s this called?” I joyfully name that food. How do they respond? They pop it into their... Continue Reading
I recently was at a birthday party for my oldest grandson. My daughter’s house was full of family and friends. My niece, who might be a food addict, is not interested in recovery at this time in her life (I sure wasn’t at 27 either). She can be difficult. In a room full of people, my niece said to me, “I could smack you for interrupting me again. You always are interrupting me!” I looked at her and thought she was showing no respect for me, and I was mad. In the past I would have said something to her to “set her straight.” I wanted to say something to my daughter, my sister (her mother), and anyone who would listen, about this rude behavior. I wanted to play the victim, but I did nothing except smile and walk out of the room to make a call to an FA... Continue Reading
