I once heard that addicts have arrested development—that when our disease takes over, we simply stop aging emotionally. That is certainly my story. Although I have had problems with food for as long as I can remember, my addictive eating really took off when I was 11 years old. That was the year when I went from the safe, protected world of elementary school, to the rough and tumble halls of middle school. Suddenly, my best—and only—friend decided that she was too cool for me, I became a latchkey kid because my mother picked up more hours at work, and I was thrust into a world of social pressure that I was totally unequipped to handle. My first reaction to life was always food, and life started to get very uncomfortable. So I ate. A lot. My daily routine began with a trip through the ala carte line to spend... Continue Reading
I have always enjoyed being active. I played softball in my 20s and soccer in my 30s, but as my weight increased, my physical exercise was reduced to bike riding, and then walking. I enjoyed walking with my friend every morning at 5:15 a.m., rain or shine, sleet or snow, until one day it stopped! She and her family moved out of the city and built a home in the country. Every morning I told myself I would wake up tomorrow and walk or do something, but I just couldn’t do it by myself. I was 44 years old with a husband and two daughters. I’m grateful to have worked in the same company for 31 years, where I enjoyed the freedom in sales to leave the office as needed. But one day that stopped too. The slow economy had taken its toll in our town, and our company was... Continue Reading
When I first joined FA, I heard so many slogans. I thought most of them sounded very cliché. When I was in Program for about three months, I heard, “Don’t eat, no matter what. No matter what, don’t eat.” I think I probably rolled my eyes. I kept hearing the same woman get up meeting after meeting restating the same slogan. I think I actually kept count of how many times she announced it. I wanted nothing to do with any of the slogans, especially that one; it just had no personal meaning to me. It seemed like she was just saying it because someone told her to say it, over and over again. Although I didn’t put too much thought into the meaning of the slogan at the time, her words seem to stick in my head. I began hearing that woman’s voice, “Don’t eat, no matter what. No... Continue Reading
When my first child was around two and a half, I remember driving on the highway with him strapped into the child seat in the rear. I was having road rage at a passing driver, when all of a sudden I heard Josh say, “Mommy, you need to say the “renity prayer.” A little while later I was home in the kitchen arguing with my husband. I must have been really yelling at him, when Josh said, “Mommy, you ought to call your “ponsor.” He is now 21 years old, with almost two solid years of FA abstinence and a 95-pound weight loss.
I have always loved to take care of kids. I grew up with many cousins and had a younger sister to look after. But food, and the shame and misery of eating, often kept me from being the most present and positive sitter I could be. Many of the children I have looked after in my life have not gotten the best of me during the time I was supposed to be ensuring their safety and seeing that they were entertained and comfortable. I used to think that every kitchen was my kitchen. It didn’t matter if I barely knew the people. When the adults of the household left for the night, I headed straight to the kitchen. I tried to act like I was interested in the children, but my head was on what was in the refrigerator and the cabinets. I did a fine job, I thought, of... Continue Reading
