Years ago when my husband and I were on vacation, we saw another pair of parents from our children’s grade school days. Sadly, a few years prior to this, they had lost their son to a brain aneurism. I didn’t recognize the husband, as he had gained 80-100 pounds. Some time later, when I described our friend’s weight gain to our son, his reaction was, “Of course he’s gained weight, Mom! His son died! Of course he would eat!!” I closed my eyes and kept my mouth shut. No need to say another word. But in my mind, I felt so grateful for FA and the fact that I don’t have to eat over any event. This is not to say that I haven’t! I didn’t find FA until I was 50 years old. There were many tortured years, when overeating, bulimia and over-exercising were my only solutions. I hated... Continue Reading
I used to love to swim in the ocean. As a child I spent many years living near the beach and was always happy to go swimming. I liked to dive into the waves, to swim far out and watch the people on the shore. I would stay out there for hours – the sense of floating, of being lifted up by the waves, of swimming with or against the current were all fun for me. As my disease progressed, I went from bingeing and dieting in my teens to gaining 30 pounds and then battling to lose the weight. I discovered bulimia and excessive exercise and spent my 20s and 30s bingeing, throwing up, running 10 miles at a time, and lifting weights for hours at the gym; the weight was managed by these drastic methods. I found FA 10 years ago, but kept breaking my abstinence, and the... Continue Reading
As the new year approaches, I am sitting here thinking about this occasion in years past. I always had resolutions, always. Looking back, I now see that they were pretty typical addict resolutions: I was going to quit smoking, I was going to stop drinking (for real this time!), and, of course, this was going to be the year that I was going to eat in a healthy way for the rest of my life—no junk, no sugar (wasn’t so convicted about the flour), and no caffeine. And, I was going to stop throwing up once and for all. When making all these resolutions, I had the best of intentions. I believed that this time it would be different. I would try this, that, or the other approach that I had not tried before, and this time it would work. No thought was given to the fact that it never... Continue Reading
My son was born almost three years after I came into Program. I had been bulimic for about 12 years prior to FA. Before I got pregnant, I had some concerns about the impending weight gain and body changes, but I actually loved being pregnant and felt really healthy. The extra weight came off easily after my son was born, and I learned how to adapt my new schedule and responsibilities to fit with the tools and disciplines that supported my recovery. But I had a break in my abstinence when my son was two. I was still using my tools, but not with the same vigor as I had before. I was having a hard time being a parent. I had unrealistic expectations for myself and for my son, as well. I slipped into negativity quite frequently and started isolating, even though I was going to meetings and making... Continue Reading
Twenty-seven years ago, when I first met the man to whom I am now married, we were just getting to know each other, so in the spirit of honesty and “full disclosure,” I told him that I had been bulimic, but wasn’t anymore. At the time, I was in another Twelve-Step program for food addiction (although we didn’t call it that). I had not been actively bulimic for a while, so I thought it safe to tell him, because I was “fixed.” I had been anxious about telling him, not knowing what the response would be. When he did not go screaming in the other direction, I thought: Phew! That’s over! Now we can get on with it. Things went along quite well for the next several months. I had a good job, I was in love, and all was right with the world. But alas, as I was to... Continue Reading
