I came into FA at 27 years old, 197 pounds (about 90 kilos), and was living with my boyfriend at the time. We had met in Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) about one and a-half years prior, moved in together after six months, and had labeled ourselves as the young AA power couple. We both went to lots of meetings and were known in the AA community. We were in the “in” crowd and life was good, except my food addiction was progressing at rapid speeds. I was in OA (Overeaters Anonymous) prior to coming into FA, and though I was nowhere near what we call abstinent, I wasn’t blackout bingeing daily. At my top weight I was around 250 pounds (about 113 kilos) but for most of my disease, I yo-yoed between 180-200 pounds (about 82-91 kilos). After we had begun living together my disease took off again, as it always... Continue Reading
I was not at all sure that I would ever reach 90 days again after breaking my abstinence earlier this year. Yesterday, thank you God, was my ninetieth day, although it took me five months to get there. Why should I be surprised at that? When I came into FA, it took me several years to get the very first 90 days. My path has been very crooked. Dishonesty was my middle name. I was full of fear, and I didn’t trust God. I lied to my sponsor and myself because I didn’t want to be dropped. Little did I realize that the lying was the reason I might be dropped, not the extra food or non-abstinent behavior. I never gave a sponsor a real chance to help me. Until January of this year, I had not had any sugar or flour in five or six years. On January 30... Continue Reading
I had recently graduated from college and was avoiding dealing with horrific sexual abuse that had happened to me towards the end of my senior year. The way I was eating was insane because I was trying to escape my feelings and was in severe trauma and isolation. I spent all my free time in the kitchen making strange concoctions in a blender with frozen foods that shouldn’t go together. I was eating food out of a large colander outside on the balcony while squatting on the ground in my underwear. I felt like I was nothing but an animal because of how I’d been treated, so I ate like one too. Thankfully, God guided me towards FA in a coffee shop right by my house. While I was waiting for my sugary caffeinated drink and bingeing on baked goods I noticed a pamphlet that said, “Are you having trouble... Continue Reading
My road to 90 days of continuous abstinence took 164 days. I chose to create extra bumps in my path by resisting every tool and discipline. My family of origin labeled me “The Rebel” early on, and my attitude did not change when I labeled myself a “Food Addict” after joining FA. My wise and patient sponsor encouraged me, rather than corralling me with “shoulds” and “musts.” Even an entrenched rebel like me has trouble railing against unconditional love. Slowly, begrudgingly, I began making outreach calls. Speaking to three people by phone remained my goal for the day for at least 40 days of my first four months in FA. Eventually that onerous chore morphed into an enjoyable activity. I attacked my quiet time next. In my twenties I tried meditation, but no matter how hard I worked at the practice, I never achieved the quiet mindset and solace that... Continue Reading
I can still hear the gulls’ screeching cries and smell the salty surf air of that mid-March afternoon on the Oregon coast. I can also see in my mind the sugar foods and snacks that were strewn throughout the van, calling to me. I remember the hunger that gnawed at my insides. I had traveled with my eight children to visit my parents on the coast during spring break, and this moment at the beach combined into a set of circumstances which turned out to be a test of my abstinence! We had attempted a long hike that morning which proved to be more difficult than I had anticipated, resulting not only in expending more time and energy than I really had, but also throwing off the timing of my meals. After the hike, we successfully got everyone back to the van, and while we drove to a nearby beach,... Continue Reading
