Living on the frontier is challenging enough, so when my sponsor strongly suggested that I work the tool of the telephone three times a day, I thought she had lost her mind. I live on the frontier, how can I be expected to do this? When she suggested I set aside three times each day to dial for 15 minutes, and either reach a fellow or leave messages, I started to question whether this was the recovery I wanted. It really seemed irrational; simply too much to ask. Then she shared a list of names and phone numbers consisting of many long-term members who had helped in her recovery, and said I would benefit from talking to them. I just knew my days in FA were numbered! For each of her telephone call suggestions, I had at least two excuses why I couldn’t complete this task. We were both persistent.... Continue Reading
I came into FA at the age of 26, weighing 289 pounds (131 kg). I found out about the program one day when I picked up a pamphlet to fan myself while sitting in my chiropractor’s waiting room. Less than a week later, I was at my first meeting and got a sponsor, and within 14 months, I lost 140 pounds. I wish I could say, “…and the rest is history,” but that’s not how my journey played out. FA had always been very good to me, helping me to shed the weight, showering me with love and support from some amazing fellows, and giving me a sense of purpose in reaching those still suffering with food addiction. I had been in FA for nine and a half years when I decided to step out of the rooms. For some reason, I truly thought maybe I didn’t need it anymore.... Continue Reading
I joined my first AWOL ( a 12 step study of the steps in sequence) after I’d been in FA for two weeks, and I was spectacularly afraid of the group of people pressing into the small room with stained-glass windows. My fear of people exhibited itself as irritability and anxiety when I helped set up the room. I lasted four months in that AWOL before I had a break. In my second AWOL, we had just completed Step 5 when I got very full of myself and had a break, which meant I had to leave the AWOL and go back to day one again.. When my third AWOL began, I absolutely wanted to stay abstinent and complete the AWOL. Toward the end of that AWOL, I met a woman who truly had what I wanted, and I decided to switch sponsors. We then got to be in a... Continue Reading
Before finding FA, my first reaction to life was to soothe with food. It didn’t matter if I was tired, lonely, bored, anxious or afraid. Almost before I realized what I was feeling, I found myself reaching for food. It didn’t matter if the feelings were good or bad. Any feeling was too uncomfortable and I didn’t know how to deal other than to bury it with food. I found food helped me cope, although poorly, with life. The feelings could relate to something as major as the death of a family member, or as minor as running late for an appointment. A parking ticket could lead me to a fast-food drive-through. Anxiety about a work issue could lead me to the refrigerator at 2 a.m. I never learned healthy ways of feeling or coping with life. I had no tools, no guide, no faith. But I did have healthy... Continue Reading
My wife had prepared and weighed my salad and said, “Here ya go.” It was time for me to add my salad dressing. Earlier that day, the dinner I had committed to my sponsor included eight ounces of salad with one tablespoon of vinegar and oil for a fat. After measuring and pouring on my fat, I opened the refrigerator door and grabbed a bottled dressing and poured some on my salad, telling myself, “Nobody will know; it doesn’t matter.” My wife uses other things on her salad that I, as an abstinent person, would not; but I sprinkled some on my salad anyway and ate more by hand. Over the years, I would do this time and time again. My dishonesty would mask itself but, being a man of integrity, it would always come back to haunt me in guilt. I would go to meetings where my fellows would... Continue Reading
