When I weighed 212 pounds (about 96 kilograms) at age 17-18 years of age, I told myself I would never weigh that much ever again and that I would do anything to get that weight off. I began a diet in which I ate small amounts of protein every other day and I lived on sugarless snacks. I also bit my nails down to the quick until they bled and were infected and painful, but I couldn’t stop. I had to have something in my mouth all the time! My weight came down and I was starving. My dad did the cooking in our family of eight, and he would make big pressure-cooker-size meals. The food would be simmering when I came home from school or work and I just couldn’t resist trying some. But I wouldn’t take just a taste. I remember one day when I ate three or... Continue Reading
I have struggled with food for 50-plus years. I wasn’t a fat kid, but I thought I was. I compared myself to other girls continually, and when I was older, compared myself to other women. I can’t remember when I didn’t have thoughts about food and weight. Is my butt smaller or larger than hers? Are my thighs that big? I would starve myself, but not for long, because I really liked to eat. Then I would cry because I didn’t have the willpower not to eat. I put alcohol down in 1994 and have been in several Twelve-Step programs, but I never made it to the ninth step. I was in a very bleak pit of despair in early December on year and was wondering if I would be like that for the rest of my life. I’d sit in my easy chair, watch TV, eat, go to bed,... Continue Reading
There is a secret that lives within me: my addiction to food; the uncontrollable desire to overeat. The foods that I am addicted to are salty snacks and sugar. When shopping, I know exactly what to do to avoid those things: circle the store and stay in the outer aisle, where the healthiest foods are. I stock my basket with the healthy stuff. But I am ambushed while waiting on the check-out line. Sugary items are stacked to my left and my favorite salty, crunchy, “you can’t eat just one” items are stocked to my right. It is impossible to not reach for these items, especially when they are on sale. “Buy one get one free.” I am even happier. This has all changed now, as a result of going to FA and making a commitment to myself, my sponsor and the God within and my family. I resist the temptation... Continue Reading
My story is a little different than most members in FA (spoken like a true food addict-only me right?). I left program after 6 ½ years. That’s right; just walked out the FA doors and never looked back. This grand idea of mine was based solely on resentments. During those 6 ½ years of program, I gave away 81 lbs., and had one break; held most of the meeting positions between two meetings; had 4 sponsees, went to night school working on a bachelors degree, and worked 10 to 12 hours a day. I had back-to-back abstinence for 5 years then I ate two cookies in December; never told my sponsor until February and the end result was she dropped me as her sponsee. I was crushed, felt abandoned and hurt. I lost a great deal due to being dishonest. I went through numerous sponsors when I finally found one... Continue Reading
Poor me! A disagreement with my husband and with a daughter who didn’t want to talk decimated my serenity that morning. Negative babbling clattered around in my brain. I’m incapable of having a good relationship. I’ll never learn how to talk to people. I’m just too stupid. THEN, my cell phone signaled arrival of a text. I frowned at the sender—my sister. My stomach clenched. After not hearing from her in over three years, what could she want now? I gingerly read her message. She wanted to know what became of our mother’s pearl necklace and opal ring. Oh, and how about the other jewelry you promised to share after Mother died? Mother had been gone nearly sixteen years. Why the sudden interest in her jewelry? Was my sister accusing me of selling valuable jewelry? I fired off an indignant text. There wasn’t any jewelry. That angry reaction triggered a... Continue Reading
