Posts about Struggling

Anything Is Easier Than Active Addiction

I think I knew I was a food addict before I was willing to accept it. My acceptance came in the front seat of a Honda, as I stuffed as many baked goods into my mouth as I could as I drove away from a celebration at my friend’s house. She had packed me a “care package” that I demolished in the 15-minute ride home. I was four weeks into a decision to leave Program. I’d been in Program for over a year and knew it was the place for me. Giving up eating the way I had been eating was really hard for me. Although I was abstinent in the beginning, I soon began to have breaks and then lied about those breaks.  In my mind, I rationalized that I was losing weight, and wasn’t that my ultimate goal? But after a while, I couldn’t live with my lying... Continue Reading

 


 

The More I Exercised, The More I Ate

I was searching for a solution to get out of my obese body. I tried injections, ate raw eggs, drank oil and milk three times a day, and went on a grapefruit diet. I tried a wine diet, where I drank one glass of wine three times a day. One last thing my doctor suggested was that I should wire my teeth and have liquid food through a straw. I am diabetic type 2. My doctor warned me I could lose my legs or I could become blind. My mother was diabetic and died at the age of 50. My father was diabetic, refused to have treatment, and died in his 60s. I joined a health club and decided to become a water aerobics fitness instructor. I also taught dance exercise at a College. I lost weight, became more interested in energy healing, and became a practitioner of Qigong massage,... Continue Reading

 


 

A Work in Progress

When I came into FA I was utterly desperate.  Just a few months prior to that date,  I had ended up in the hospital for three days after a major binge.  My diagnosis was a swollen colon.  I had eaten a food combination that was thick and pasty. I had eaten so much of it that my side started to hurt.  It was late at night, so I went off to bed.  When I woke up the next morning, I was fine.  One week later I had another binge on that same food combination and my side started to hurt again, so just like last time, I went to bed. The next morning when I woke up I wasn’t fine.  My side pain progressed for the next few days and ended up in the hospital. I was so embarrassed.  The medical staff asked me all kinds of questions.  I knew... Continue Reading

 


 

Within My Grasp

I came into FA at age 52 and had just lost 110 pounds after doing my own diet. I still had more weight to lose (my highest weight was 256) and a certain food had me by the throat and I couldn’t stop dreaming, fantasizing, and thinking about it. The weight started to creep up again. God led me into FA, and within three months the rest of the weight was off. I made a few mistakes here and there for a few months. I got 90 days of abstinence, lost it, got six months a couple of times, and then lost it. Then after about a year, I started to get into the food big time again. Finally, I was convinced that I needed to stop eating, and life was abstinent and good for almost nine years. Now looking back, I realize that I actually “white-knuckled it” for all of... Continue Reading

 


 

Joy Was My Antidote to Fear

Thankfully, during my first year in Program, I lost more than 120 pounds, did my tools daily, completed an AWOL, and began sponsoring. I happen to be a pretty joyful person, and I often get asked how to be happy. I tell people that even the cheeriest people need tools to help them stay positive when life happens. But dark storms often do come. During a six-month period, I was diagnosed with an autoimmune condition, had adrenal exhaustion, my father died, I lost my job, my mother had heart failure, and I had to sell my house to get rid of a bad loan. Keeping my abstinence during this time was challenging. My health problems were frightening and expensive to treat. Among other symptoms, I suffered from anxiety, weight gain (from the illness, not from eating), and low motivation. My dreams and personal pride were destroyed. I could easily have believed... Continue Reading